A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance (26) and I (21) have been together for about two years now. We got pregnant quite early in the relationship (unexpected) but our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us and he will be one in September. Any ways! The reason why I am writing this is because for the last month he hasn't even tried to have sex with me. I feel so unwanted because before (even when pregnant) we had a great sex life and he was always horny and wanted me all the time and couldn't keep his hands off me! He just got moved in his job to a different area and I know that has been stressful lately, so i'm thinking maybe its stress or something but I just don't know. I have always been a girl who trys to look as best as I can at all times and I have had a hard time getting used to my post-pregnancy body and he knows I am insecure about myself.. and now with him not even showing interest in me makes me even more insecure and unhappy with myself.. :'( I have also wondered if he is cheating on me, but I know he isn't, he loves me and our son so much and tells me all the time how we are his world and how beautiful he thinks I am. Recently I have tried to explain how I feel about him not having any sexual interest in me and he says "I want you all the time babe..". So then I asked him why havent you been trying or when I say lets do it tonight you don't even try, and he just says "I don't know". What a great answer right?? I just love him so much and want to make him happy but I feel like i'm not good enough! I don't know what I should do...?? Any ideas??? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. I did talk to him the night after I had posted this and just laid everything on the table. All my worries, insecurities, all of it! He felt very bad that I was feeling this way and said he has just been so stressed about work lately that he hasn't even had time to really think about anything else. He said he never wants to make me feel that way and he has been much more sensitive lately towards my feelings. He also has been more lovey-dovey lately.. yes we did have sex that night (and it was wonderful! lol) But it's more than that.. he will just hold me or rub my back in a sweet way, just stuff like that and it makes me feel special. I love him and am glad we were able to sort through this! Thanks for all of your help everyone! :) I am looking forward to surprising him this weekend with a nice dinner when he gets out of work and some special Mommy & Daddy time with out the baby!
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (25 August 2011):
It is most likely his current emotional state which is the reason he isn't feeling very sexual at the moment. The biggest factor could be stress, but there can be other factors too. It is possible that it doesn't have anything to do with you, so it would be a mistake to think that it is something you are doing.
These can be difficult conversations to have, because if he is feeling pressure to have sex, talking about it can feel like more pressure. However, if it is concerning you, it is important that you are able to talk about it. It is also useful for you to be able to talk about your insecurities with him. Try and have these conversations and try to explain that the important thing is not that you end up having sex, the important thing is that you are able to talk about the things that are difficult to talk about, and that are affecting you both emotionally. You need to be able to talk about what prevents him from having sex even though he wants you, and when he says "I don't know", talking about the fact that it really means he doesn't want to, that something is holding him back, so you can start to find out what that thing is. Talking them through is the way to clear the path for a healthy happy and sexual relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): At least he answered you.Not a great answer, so more talking is in order.There is something going on in his head, talk, talk more, and do your best to get him to talk.If he won't, then you need to ask the dreadful questions that nobody wants to ask.Cheating?Leaving?Don't love me any more?Depressed?Etc?Drugs?Alcohol?If he denies everything, then get a couples counselor.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Well I don't know him, but given the information you wrote about him in your post, he seems to really love you and your son. And he still dishes out compliments to you. So I doubt if he would be cheating (crossing my fingers) but I wouldn't rule it out completely.I actually think it may be stress or work related. So you may have to take the initiative to make your relationship more exciting in and out of the bedroom.Here's some tips on how you could spice up your relationship:1. Plan ahead. If your man comes home later than you from work, you have some time to plan a romantic night. Set up a candlelit dinner, send your kid over to a babysitter/relative house, and dress up in sexy lingerie. When he get home, sit him down by the table and give him a nice shoulder rub/foot massage while you ask him about his day.**Keep the conversation light and positive and treat him to a relaxing and enjoyable romantic evening.2. Be Spontaneous. If he gets home before you or you noticed that he's too tired when he gets home, you may have to think outside of the box. Show up at his job during his lunch break and have a small picnic area set up in a park, or just take a walk in the park and talk. Let him know how much you love him and how he makes you feel. Make him breakfast in bed, purchase two tickets to go on a cruise and take a trip to Hawaii, The Caribbean, etc. Think creatively and do whatever you can to make sure that you both are spending quality time together.Show him how much you appreciate him by taking some initiative. If you use these ideas often, you can make your relationship more exciting and romantic.
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