A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently had a conversation with my partner about strippers and lapdances. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable at the thought of it and it's inappropriate if in a relationship. I'm now wondering if maybe I've exaggerated it in my head and should check it out for myself to see what is involved? It could either alleviate my worries or potentially re-enforce them. What do you think? Should I go alone or go with my partner? He said he understands how I feel and wouldn't do it again but it means nothing and is just a bit of banter and fun for the boys. Should I experienced this for myself or would it risk long term damage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2020): It feels like he is disrespecting you by going there because HE IS disrespecting you by going to strip clubs . However , the absolute key here is that you CANNOT control another persons crappy choices to disrespect you . All you can do is let him know how you feel and then if he chooses to continue disrespecting you , don’t be with someone who treats you that way
In effect YOU are the one breaking your own boundaries and disrespecting YOURSELF if you continue standing with a man who treats you disrespectfully
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2020): The thought of it just feels really degrading to me and fact he did it really making me question our relationship. He doesn't go often though this is the first time he's went without it being a stag or birthday etc which concerns me. I'm hoping it was just a drunken mistake but he's not actually apologised for it though said he won't do it again since it means so much to me. I'm just struggling to process it and figure out if it's something I can move on from
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (16 January 2020):
 I'm really not too sure what you will gain by going to a strip club. Its pretty much just what you think it is and the other aunts/uncles have explained it very well. I have never been to one but my son has as part of a bachelor party and although he's a all american red blooded male he said it was "Gross". Almost naked girls shimming around and lap dances were "sad and pathetic". He said he felt sorry for the girls. Good for him! He said it definitely was degrading to the girls and many guys took advantage trying to cop a feel.
I have been to a male strip club twice with my best friend when we were in our early 20's. It was fun the guys were cute and did strip down to their thongs. Some women went nuts and tried to grab their privates but most women were just laughing and giggling. The dancers all had sort of a dead eye look..felt sorry for them. Not my cup of tea by any means.
I seriously doubt that your boyfriend will want you to go with him. I went to a Las Vegas show with a boyfriend once and the women were topless. UGH..horrible and very uncomfortable for me although I'm sure my date enjoyed it greatly. Again..not my thing.
Bottom line is that you have to decide if you want to deal with this kind of thing with your guy or not. Is it something he's going to do on a regular basis? I wouldn't like it..thank God my husband isn't into that kind of thing.
My son has a married friend who actually goes with his wife to the strip club sometimes. I honestly don't know how she can like that but maybe she's going to make sure he doesn't do anything. Not sure if she knows that he also goes WITHOUT her..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): Thank you all for your answers.
CodeWarrior in particular for providing further information on what goes on in the clubs. It still makes me feel really uncomfortable the thought of another woman being all over my partner like that even with no touching involved. I know she would have no interest in him apart from money but it feels like he's disrespected me doing that and not taken me into consideration at all. Would you have done a lapdance if were with a long term partner?
He's said he won't get a lapdance again however may still go to the strippers if his friends are going there. He thinks it would be unreasonable for me to say he can't go into the club if they are all going.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 January 2020):
 I can see that WATCHING your partner get a dance might be uncomfortable, hurt the ego a little but I don't think there would be long term "damage" done.
He wouldn't HAVE to get a lap-dance with you there, would he? For you to get an idea of what a strip club is like?
If you have a female friend to go with it will probably be easier to just observe what goes on, just remember NOT all men are going to behave inappropriately, but many are.
I read an article about sex workers (stripper included) that stated: "61 percent of strippers report experiencing someone trying to penetrate them via finger, 82 percent have been punched, and 56 percent reported having a customer follow them home at least once."
That is scary shit!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): If you feel uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs I don't think you'll feel any less uncomfortable if you go with him. I once went to a strip club with two female friends. The whole thing seemed pathetic to me. Some of the men seemed bored and I felt kind of sorry for the strippers.As for lap dances, my partner paying another woman to rub her naked body all over him would definitely be crossing a red line for me. Would it still be okay if he didn't pay for it?He has told you he understands how you feel and won't do it again. I'm not sure if he's talking about going to strip clubs or getting lap dances. Strip clubs could be considered a little immature boy fun but lap dances go way beyond "banter". It's up to you to decide where to draw that line and whether or not you trust him to not do it again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): Was worried long term damage would be if I get jealous seeing him get a dance from another woman and that it would make me feel worse about the situation. I know these type of things happen when guys are out but wonder if I'm making it so much worse in my head.
Going with a female friend might be a better idea to get a feel for it possibly but I thought going with him might make us bit more solid about this as we both have different perspectives on it though he said he won't get a lapdance again when out since it makes me uncomfortable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): OP, I do not understand what you truly hope to gain, by going to a strip club. You have NOT misjudged what goes on, there! The main stage has girls stripping and dancing and after they dance, they mingle with the viewers to drum up lapdance business, and get men to buy them drinks, which are way overpriced! The lapdances are performed in front of and on the patron, more private area. She will dance and strip, touching, rubbing, groping, and riding the customers lap! It IS a Lapdance. The patron is not supposed to touch the dancer, but she is NOT bound to a no touch rule, and in many clubs, a little more money paid to the dancer, will free the patron to feel up and maybe kiss the girl, with some dancers even giving head! Clubs vary, but strip clubs are part of the sex trade, and it is part of the underworld, often operating prostitution services of the dancers! If you go with him and watch a him get a lapdance, it will be a much tamer lapdance, than a one on one, girl on man dance! Commited men stay away!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): Also many people are unaware of the double standard that exists in many states for strip clubs that states that men are not permitted to strip down to less than a thong whilst females can remove all clothing including a thong . The justification. For this archaic double standard law is that male gentitaliia is external whilst females is ‘internal ‘ however in most strip clubs women certainly open their legs and show everything externally
Just another example of how men control female sexuality and make double standards , much the same as how most pirn features young attractive women and unattractive. Older men ( that’s if the men’s faces are even shown!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): The long term damage is giving your time and energy to a man who clearly has no respect for womenWhy bother going . You know what goes on in these places . I used to work in one and I can tell yoh right now that the men there basically see women as worth how they look . They don’t value women based on anything worthwhile like their personal qualities or personality ... im talking about ALL the women in their lives . These places allow men to sit there and judge women’s bodies and feel like ‘da man’Go to a club that has men strip for women ( yes there’s a few compared to the literally thousands of clubs for men and see the difference . Huge absolutely huge . Women are laughing , playfully in a group type armosphere whereas in the clubs where women strip men often singular are salivating and often young for ‘services ( often including prostitution. Out back ) It’s up to you whether you want to be with a guy who thinks women’s primary value is their appearance and sexual appeal . Who believes women are ‘services to be bought and sold . Your choice . I would t waste time arguing with people who think this way or going to these places
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 January 2020):
What long term damage do you think you would sustain watching women take off clothes for money? I mean, I'm NOT a fan in any way shape or form of strip clubs or the idea of women being used as pieces of meat, but.... I don't think strip clubs are some nefarious evil place.
And yes, I have been to a couple, once on a hen night and once because we were told it was a night club (different country) lol and well, we walked in on a show with a chick shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina..... So yea, I have seen two clubs. And here is my take of them. They smell, it makes you feel a little gross (or me at least) drinks are overpriced and women are not very respected at all. IF that is your kind of "fun" or your BF's kind... well, that is on you.
If you do go, I would suggest you go with a female friend. I think it would be really awkward with a BF, but you could ask him. Tell him you would like to see what the fuss is all about. I make you a wager that he will try his damnedest to convince you it's not a place for you or no need to go.
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