A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man I love very much. However, my parents have not met him yet and because of the 17 year age difference I am unsure of how to introduce him to them without them flipping out. I would like to have him be a part of my life with my family but they do not think a young woman of my age should be involved with an older man(Especially an older man with a child, which he has.) This has been told to me before this relationship started, and although they have told me they support a loving healthy relationship, I think the age difference will trump any other reason. I have been told by others I should follow my heart, but I want my parent's approval because, frankly, I love them, and I want them to be as happy for me as I am. How can I introduce him into the rest of my life? If anyone has suggestions as to how I can take this step forward, your advice would be much appreciated.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what the future holds. We aren't looking long term because we don't know yet. Personally, I could see being with him long term, family included. But for now, the future isn't what we are planning for. I'm not ready to plan my life out in that way. We are planning for the present and the next year.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou mistake me, I don't want children. I don't want children for a long time. He already has a child. I am not looking for a lifetime commitment. I just would like to have him in my life as he would like to be in mine and we want to know how to make that transition easier for parents and our lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have considered the age gap. He is respectful and understands the concerns that they will or might not have and is prepared to address them. We're serious about each other, but no one is screaming lifetime commitment yet.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Ah the dreaded "I love an older guy but mommy and daddy won't be happy" issue.
this usually says to me that the poster is not ready for an age gap relationship and this may be the case here if you are 18 vs 21... because there is a huge difference between those two ages.
I'm a huge supporter of AG relationships. My spouse is 13 years younger than I am.
but i'm possibly older than your parents and I did not give a flying fig what my grown children or my father thought.
If you are happy and he is happy then that's all that matters.
My concern is that at 18-21 what you want in life will change several times before you are really ready to settle down. and he is at 37-38 settled and heading fast into middle age.
18-21 you should be in a sorority and going out to do fun things with your college friends. He should be getting ready for his first prostate exam and start having his T-levels checked.
do not place all your eggs in one basket and do not give up things to please him. BE true to yourself.
NOW.. how to tell mummy and daddy.
When I told my dad I started slow (we live in separate states so it was pretty easy) IF you live at home then you have kept this a secret already and that's not good.
First time I mentioned my partner was "daddy I've met someone" and that was it.
the next week (we talk usually on Sundays) was "J and I had a lovely time at blah blah blah"
the following week it was 'J is not our religion" (yes I had age gap and different religion to deal with)
the following week was "well J is a bit younger than I am" OH gotta run dad.. talk to you later and I hung up.
I let him stew over this..
then I would mention how he treated me, how he improved my life, what fun things we were doing...
and finally when he was pretty sure this guy was serious with me I said.. he's MUCH younger daddy... and while my father is not thrilled he can't really say much to his 50+ daughter who lives on her own and supports her self and is settled in her life.
I would be WAY more comfortable giving you my unequivocal blessing if you were 25 and he was 17 years older...
and if your parents express concern... behave as a rational adult, hear their concerns... and address them logically.
also then you can ask them if you can bring him home for dinner so they can meet him....
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