A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all.So, my boyfriend is 22 and I am 20. We have dated for about 4 months. No problems were found until back in late June of this year when he was sitting down and said my ears were big--but then that he liked them. Okay, before I continue I'm just going to say that I have been told by most everyone in my life that I am gorgeous and my boyfriend has told me he thinks I am a "ten". I'm not trying to be conceited. In fact, I think I'm ugly sometimes and never really feel gorgeous. Yes, it's stupid. I'm aware. :/Anyways, so I'm insecure and ever since the incident with the ears I have acted a little jealous (not terrible) but also VERY outwardly critical of my looks. It happens often. The jealousy has actually become rarer and is 90% normal, healthy stuff. But it doesn't look fabulous when you consider how much I put my looks down in front of my BF, who constantly tells me I am beautiful and amazing.My boyfriend has issues himself but I'm afraid he's gonna leave me soon if I don't stop being insecure. I want to turn things around and at least start by hiding my insecurities from him--then progress towards being NOT as insecure. I need to learn how to manage them.Of course, I spoke with my boyfriend this morning and he says that if this is the only issue that he has to deal with, he's pretty much golden. After all, I am the kind of girl who is not HM at all otherwise. I also play video games (COD woooo!), I am very tough and can take pretty much any joke, I am upbeat, I am extraordinarily patient, I intellectually match him, and I am never clingy. He says the insecurity stuff is not "that bad" but I think he is just saying this now and some of it is coming from his guilt from his past OCD-related fights with me.Things seem great but I cannot shake the feeling that I am doomed. It may be because I am on a horrible birth control and am PMSing - both of which he acknowledges. Am I being paranoid? I turned off my phone today because I am giving him space and injecting some "mystery" back into our relationship. I will probably see him later and I am going to try my best to just avoid talking negatively about my looks in front of him or acting sad about it. is this a good start?Is my relationship in dire trouble, or can this be remedied? I need all the help I can get right now. Things are usually great between us even despite these problems but I want to know everything that I can do or not do to feel better and less nervous about our relationship...thanks so much and I'm sorry if this is long.
View related questions:
am I being paranoid, insecure, jealous, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (17 October 2010):
So basically you only worry because you think you are not beautiful?
The truth is that you are being perfectly normal. While I don't think it is good to be hiding things from your mate, I think you can make the insecurity go away.
The simple solution is this: your man thinks you are a ten. He does. I can tell by the way you wrote this story that he does. So look in the mirror every day and tell yourself this
"There is only one person on this planet who's opinion I care about, and he thinks I'm a ten."
Say that over and over and over again. Realize that other people don't matter. What MTV tells you is pretty doesn't matter. What YOU think about the way you look DOESN'T MATTER. Because he thinks you are gorgeous. And he tells you that you are.
If you have insecurities that are very severe (to the point of chemical imbalance), I would recommend getting a different birth control.
Most importantly, don't stop talking to him. He loves you and thinks you are the greatest person in the world. Tell him that you are having severe self-esteem issues, and that you need him to be your hero and help you with it. You can tell him what you want him to say, and have him say it over and over again. It will still work. Have him tell you that you look slammin' every time he sees you. Tell him he needs to be specific about what is hot each time.
|
