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I am in love but keep pushing him away because I was cheated on in the past. How can I fix this?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have had issues the past few years with letting people in. I am in love right now with someone, but I keep pushing him away. It's like I don't want him to love me back. I think this is due to my past of being cheated on. How can I fix this?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

I had this and have had cognitive behavioural therapy which has helped no end. Think of it this way. If you once ate a fish and got a bone stuck in your throat you may not want to eat fish again. I know someone who gags when they see one because of this. That is why you should not be surprised that emotions and betrayal can cause a person to feel emotionally allergic to other relationships. Just because it happened once does not mean it will again though. How many times in life do you think a person might choke on a fish bone? Not that many I would say. It might happen but probably not, so why be so scared of that.

Life is unpredicatable and you can’t control another human being’s behaviour. All you can do is your best and at some point trust and allow stability in your life. The CBT helps to get rid of those old negative thought patterns and will help you find a realistic way of looking at things that removes fear.

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A female reader, tigerlady New Zealand +, writes (1 March 2007):

tigerlady agony auntI have to agree with this person. It is not your fault what had happened in the past. Put it behind you and concentrate on your new love. If you do that then things will be okay. Good luck and I wish you all the best.


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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2007):

AskEve agony auntYou need to believe in yourself and tell yourself that your failed past relationships have NOT been your fault. It takes two to make a relationship work. Be more assertive and try and build on your confidence and self esteem.

You say you are in love with someone but you don't say whether you're actually in a relationship with him. DON'T sleep with him too soon as this only plays with your emotions. Get to know him first, learn to trust him, build up respect for one another. Be confident and not too needy. Give him space and don't be too clingy to him. Let HIM chase, that way he'll open up to you more and tell you his feelings.

Just take it one step at a time and look at the tips on how to build up your confidence and self esteem and you'll see that it is much easier to be in control of your feelings than you first thought.


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