A
female
age
36-40,
*mber13
writes:I've been seeing this guy and we've been long distance since September. We've decided to remain in an open relationship until I go back to his city at the end of May. I broke up with him about 6 weeks ago because it was too hard to handle but that didn't really happen and we'd still talk on the phone and told each other how we missed each other and stuff. I was a bit insecure about this open relationship because he has been seeing other women and sleeping with them but eventually I overcame it and it now doesn't bother me to that extent. He is regularly seeing one other woman which I am not a fan of but I've learned to deal with it.What happened is that he came to visit me on the weekend and I offended and disrespected him without meaning to. I didn't have sex with him even though we were fooling around and were almost at the point of having sex. I didn't have sex with him because he had had unprotected sex with one of the other girl he's been seeing and although we could have used a condom I just didn't feel comfortable. That, with some other things I did that were disrespectful that I wasn't aware of at the time, caused him to storm out of my place and now he never wants to have contact with me again. This isn't he only incident, recently I have been a little difficult to deal with because I've had a hard time adjusting to this open relationship. I know I hadn't been treating him very well recently and I wanted to make up for it when we saw each other this time but it backfired. I really care about this guy and I wish he'd give me another chance because I know I have changed for the better. I don't know how to make that happen though, how can I show him when he never wants us to be in contact anymore and I screwed up my last chance? What can I do?
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broke up, condom, insecure, long distance, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ember13 +, writes (23 April 2008):
Ember13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I agree with the condom statement. They definitely reduce the transmission of STDs but they aren't 100% effective. There are some STDs/STIs that condoms do not offer any protection for at all. He and some other people state that if you trust the person, know the person is safe and correctly use a condom the transmission rate is incredibly low and very unlikely. I'm not sure how true that is but no matter how low the transmission rate it, it only takes one time right and then you could be in trouble for life. I don't understand why some people take this so lightly and think I am being paranoid over this.
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Wait, I want to correct myself, condoms offer protection from STDs but not 100% protection, especially for woman. You can easily get HPV even with a condom for example.
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (23 April 2008):
First I would like to let you know that you did the right thing by not having sex with him. Condoms do not protect you from STD's. Also, this guy isn't treating you very well, he should be trying to make things up to you! He talked you into an open relationship and you foolishly agreed. Then he is getting mad that you are not ok with him having unprotected sex with other women! Try to find a man who will want to be with only you. Some people can handle the whole 'open relationship' thing, but both people have to be ok with it for it to work.
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