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I am bi and am attracted to my best friend!

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2007) 18 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ok, i have incredibly strong feelings for my best friend-we are both females! nobody knows i feel this way and nobody knows im bisexual! do i tell her how i feel and risk losing the best friendship ive ever had or do i keep my mouth shut and hope the feelings go away? if i do tell her, how do i go about it? please help...i really need lots of advice!

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

well me and a few of my friend's are in the same area as you and one of them is attracted to me (and there told me after a school trip... i know there bi but there don't know about me being bi. Really if she is bothered about it and you don't tell her, leave it for a few more mouth's.

good luck!!!

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A male reader, natedogg United States +, writes (19 July 2010):

I have the same problem!!! i have feelings for mi best friend and so one day i asked him how he felt about bi ppl and he said i dont care about girls that r bi but boys that r bi he cant understand!! uh oh!! so im trying to get the curadg to tell him but we r like brothers i practicly live at his house and i realy dont feel like runing our friendship!! so... should i tell him?? answer me at [email address blocked] please email me your name and answer please?? thank you

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A female reader, SEB United States +, writes (4 October 2008):

i too have had this exact same problem, my best friend is very attractive. i actually have came out to her and she knows i like her. she was very understanding but idk how ur bff is. but if ur truly bff then she will not mind. i dont think my best friend will ever become bi tho like me. people have told me we act like a couple and she is a tease but i dont think she will ever be bi. but id jus tlk to ur friend bout it, say we are good friends right...and jus slowly tell her

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008):

If someone steps into your shower (albeit a little buzzed), and you are completely sober and shocked, and she's just totally cool and happy to wash your hair for you (not that you asked)... And, then you ironically develop feelings for this person (emotionally), and then you start to feel other things (for her) and wonder about other women... I guess you are either bi or lesbian, right? So, is it fair... At that point to say, hey, I have feelings for you now... And, why the hell did you step into my shower... And now I have to come forth and admit I felt more...?... Why couldn't you just wait 10 more minutes for the shower? lol.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008):

I don't exactly know how I feel towards my best friend. She's openly bisexual, and I'm fine with that. What's weird, though, is that whenever we're together, she'd kiss me almost anywhere (cheeks, neck, nose, just not the lips), hold me tight against her for extended periods of time, caress me, and sometimes she asks me to kiss her, which I playfully refuse.

What's strange is I love the way it feels when she handles me that way. I think she just turned me bisexual, and I think I like-like her. Do you guys think she likes me that way, too? What should I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

I also have the same problem.. I don't know what to do..

I like my friend but she all out straight...

She likes a guy that is quite cute but I'm jealous

I'm afraid to tell her how I feel...

I tried confesesing to her but when I said, " I Love you" she thought it was the best friend way and she said I love you back...

I feel like I don't know what I am anymore... I user to be obsesed with guy but now I'm inlove with my best friend...

anyways.. Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

dont tell her unless ur sure she is cool with that stuff unfortunetnly for me last year i made a move on my best friend of 2years who i fell in love with and next thing i know she is not talking to me and telling people. it was the worst time of my life i was so messed up. but now we are friends . once again i just fell for another one of my friends but she knows about the stuff last year cause she was friends with my now ex-bestfriend. so we will c how that goes i really wanna just get this stuff off my chest. i hate being confused =( good luck with your girl...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008):

for a while now i've honestly not been sure whether i was bi or not, but after reading this i honestly believe that you've all helped me out a LOT. i realize that it's OK if i am. i'm into my best friend too. and not just physically. she's the awesomest person i've ever met in my entire life- and i dont know what i'd do without her.

i was over a while ago and we were wrestling for a phone, she accidently touched my crotch because i flick my legs up when somebody tickles me andddddd i felt something. it scared me so bad because i thought being bi was wrong. and i never really knew how to tell her. i eventually did and tried to cover it up by saying i'm sure it was just because something touched me there, just like if someone were to tickle you- even if you didn't like them you'd still respond hahaha. so she was convinced and still is that it was nothing more.

i think i'm going to call her up tonight and talk about it with her.

thank you guys SO much.

you're all awesome.

good luck xxx.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008):

Don't tell her! It will kill your friendship....hope the feelings will go away, someday they will. I was in your shoes some time a go....and thought by telling her how I felt was the honest and right thing to do. It wasn't. It turned out to be the most painful thing (emotionally) I had ever done. She initially acted like everything was ok (and made it clear she did not feel the same way).

But then right after, she told some people that turned it around and made it a big joke. It caused tension with a family member, and we never really became as close friends as we once were. She stopped talking to me for about a year. Later as time passed, we began to talk and put it behind us. I did eventually get over those feelings, but our friendship as I knew it, never really survived. She is married now with 2 kids, and we talk occassionally. I put that part of myself away, and choose to ignore it. For better or worse, my life is a lot easier now. I just try not to get too close to women as friends. I know this doesn't sound like the idea answer, but it is the hard reality for many women like myself.

What ever you choose to do, I wish you the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey guys! i told my friend how i felt! it took a long time to eventually feel as though i could tell her and i only told her because it was killing me keeping it a secret!

she seemed really confused at first as though she didnt quite know what to say but then things went better than i thought it ever would! i just didnt want her to hate me but now shes told me that she wants to be with me!!she said that she loves me and she wants to see how things progress!! YAY!!!!

thanx for all your help!!!

xxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):

I have a best friend that I have been friends with for a very long time. He once made a move on me... long ago, but I reacted wrongly out of fear, and the fact of the matter is that I taught myself not to like him that way, because back then I felt It would be wrong... and to be honest I have always felt he was very attractive... and well... hes my friend too. I was also affraid that If we went that direction, I might lose a friend I truely care about, and loved as a friend... maybe because he would change his mind about his sexuality etc etc. Now many years have passed. Ive come to terms with many things... this friend now lives with me... and I am having a hard time... because I am extremely attracted to him in every way. I want to tell him somehow... and I'm prepaired to hear that he dosent like me in the same way.... I just want to be honest with him... and I dont wanna lose my friendship with him. I do love him as a friend first and foremost. How do I tell him. Im also worried that if Im not direct enough... he may think Im Bi but not intrested in him... when he could be intrested in me. What do I do? Please help. I just wanna know where I stand. Hearing him say hes not attracted to me in that way... I could begin working with that. But as it stands now.... I have so many emotions and things I want to say... if only I knew they would be welcomed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007):

I know exactly how you feel i have fallen for my best friend only i told her i was bi and she was the same but i havent told her i love her even though i know shes like me i cant bring myself to tell her. i constantly dream about her but more than anything i would rather not like her the way i do i want to be friends for life but i know im always going to have them feelings for her but thats life.

I think you should tell her your bi first leave it for a while and if you feel like you can tell her then tell her how you feel x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007):

you could first ask what ur best friend thinks about ppl who are bi. and if shes ok with ppl being bi tell her that u are. tell her u dont want it 2 affect ur friendship but u thought she should know. if she is really ur friend she will accept u 4 who u are and wont judge u. if she does then shes not worth ur time. get a new best friend who understands u. my best friend told me that she was in luv with me. i was ok with it. we are still best friends.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

im about to spend the entire weekend with her--shes taken time off work to come and visit me!! im not gunna say anything to her--gunna see how things go! wish me luck!!

thanx for all your advice so far!

xxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

I can relate to your situation. I fell in love with my friend; it has really raised some questions for me personally. I decided to wait and see what would happen with the friendship. There was no reason to forces the issue when I wasn’t sure if it was love or a very strong infatuation. I think that to feel something is one thing, but to voice it is another.

If you’re at that point where you feel you need to voice it then you should, but if you’re content with your friendship I think you should just wait and see what happens. Maybe try to bring up bisexuality in a conversation and see what she thinks on that. Also you might want to tell her that you’re bisexual before you tell her you have feeling for her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

Well, if you two are truely best friends, she'll understand, if she doesn't her true colours have shown.. I say tell her, it's gonna eat up at u, and then one day u might do something stupid, and ruin the whole relationship

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A male reader, NuVu United States +, writes (12 July 2007):

If your friendship is that close i would be suprised if she didn't suspect something already. I don't think you should come right out and tell her you're bi and attracted to her, but instead let it come out slowly so she has time to digest it. I'm sure if you think about it you can come up with ways to lead her into a conversation about sex and bi sex, so you can get her feelings about it.

Good luck.

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A female reader, JessAgonyAunt United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2007):

JessAgonyAunt agony aunthey, well it MIGHT reck your friendship because she may be straight and she may feel arcward around you if you tell her, maybe ask her if she has ever had feelings for girls? if she has then go from there, but if she hasn't i would keep it quite for a while, but if you feel you need to tell her tell her privately and not to tell any1, if she is like "OH MY GOD" and not feeling the same way, make it out as if you was joking around.

GOOD LUCK

JESS XXXX

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