A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a 34 year old woman who has been single for a while now. I have been in a succession of long term relationships, usually with older men, which have not developed into anything such as marriage or kids. I feel like my clock is ticking and I will never meet anyone to settle down with. I have a fairly good job, I own my own flat, and I take care of my figure and looks. But I am beginning to panic as my 35th birthday approaches - will I ever meet the one - what am I doing wrong? I am told I am kind and caring, I never act 'desperate' to settle down, but underneath I feel I have so much love to give. Can anyone please tell me whether they believe that we all meet 'the one' when the time is right?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I don't think it would lead anywhere to be with someone who was in a bad marriage - and of course I would question why the marriage was continuing if it was not working out (although of course there are many reasons why this could be the case). Ultimately, who can tell who we fall in love with or who we are destined to be with?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): would you fall for someone who is in a bad marriage and believes that they did not marry the right one?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Thank you all for your answers - I have read and re-read them and will continue to do so because they make me feel positive about my situation, and you have given me some really great advice. Thanks again, Sadie XX
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 My neighbors have just celebrated their 10th anniversary. They met and parted Before the Second World War. After both being widowed, they found each other. People are most open to meeting other people when they are happy and involved in their own life. Maybe you should shake things up a bit? What have you always wanted to do, but have been putting off? Flying lessons? Local theatre? Try finding your "inner passion". You will also be meeting a new group of like-minded people. Maybe he's one of them! I'd check out the people your own age or a bit younger, a lot of older guys don't want to commit to a family for a second time (if they have already done it once, it's a big financial responsibility and a lot of hard work). I have also heard, Often, "I stopped looking, and there he was!" Stop Looking and start Doing, like Cateyes said, make your Own life a happy one. Hope things work out and Best of luck with everything!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): You absolutely will meet someone.
I firmly believe that god or the universe (or however you prefer to think of it) wants us to be happy - to have what makes us happiest and it's just our job to be in the right place & frame of mind to find it.
Go and read the book "The Secret" -- that's the first thing you need to do becuase you'll see how true it is that what you put out is what you get back.
You need to KNOW, not just hope, that your partner is already out there.
Make a list, make it tangible and specific as to what you're seeking -- you don't just get in your car and drive do you? You need to go where you're going in order to get there.
Finding your partner is the same - know what you're looking for so you can weed out those that aren't right & not waste your precious time.
With your list, break it down into categories and take out anything superficial but do NOT compromise on the essential qualities you want.
For example, my list was:
Physical: Tall, brown skin, brown eyes (preferably).
Emotional: Loving, attentive, romantic, sweet, loyal, a man's man (but still able to relate to women), a cheeky sense of humour.
Intellectual: Bookish, intelligent, street smart & with good common sense.
Spiritual: spiritual or believes in God, but not overly religious.
Miscallaneous: Enjoys work, has a strong work ethic, has initiative to make changes when he's not happy with his situation, not a mummy's boy, is successful in whatever he endeavours to do.
And you know what? I got exactly what was on my list. I initially had 'well off' on my list, but I realised that was superficial; instead I took that out and wrote 'succeeds in his endeavours' because that is an underlying quality - someone who knows what they want & strives to succeed - whereas money comes & goes.
So look at your list & figure out if you're writing about superficial things or essential human qualities & it's the qualities you do not compromise on.
What you want IS out there. Believe that first then believe that you will find it.
I won't wish you good luck, I'll wish for you future happiness that IS waiting for you!
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A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Dear Anon Female,
I sure can relate! What a great question. My situation is a little different but the desire to find that person that you can share a lasting loving relationship with is the same. There are many here who recognize that desire.
Cateyes and penta shared some great wisdom. Both have excellent advice and insight. Penta was right to point out that time isnt the main factor here. Your biological clock may be ringing like mad in your ears but that may also be a pressure you feel from the outside as much as the inside. I know for me, being a single parent with alot of married friends it feels rather lonely sometimes. Its the odd man out syndrome. It tuggs and yanks at the contentment you have in the life you have built all on your own. Cateyes stepped in and showed that you can get past that. (Thanks, I needed to hear that too!)
I dont have a solution that is really any better than the ones you have allready been provided. I use the same ideas that these two women shared...
Be content with yourself.
Dont try to force destiny.
Stop thinking that there is a schedule.
There are some great people here and I hope you get a chance to get to know them as I have. It really helps!
Duce
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 September 2007):
 First let me say...I am 41 yrs old and been divorced since I was 30. I had a few unsuccesful relationships in between. I did however want children, but was not about to just have children because I wanted them. I see things as...if it was meant to be, it will happen. I have a successful job, a beautiful home, wonderful friends who I adore...and most importantly, I am a happy woman. IF the right man comes along where both of us "click" and want to get married... great, however, I am no longer wishing to have children. Things now are wonderful...I am not desparate nor needy...far from it. I just see it as I do not want to settle because I would like to get married, but to whom he is and what he stands for...and that I REALLY do love him with all my heart. Never settle...and have faith. I don't give up, it's just out of my hands and in God's....this is how I see it. Best Wishes to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): I don't know if you will meet him in time to still have kids. Why haven't any of your other relationships gone further than just dating?
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (4 September 2007):
 First of all, you have time. I had my children at 37 and 39, and I know women who have done it in their early 40s.
Secondly, you need to do something that gives you self-confidence. Confidence is sexy, neediness (or desperate-ness) really isn't. You may be subconsciously driving men away with your attitude.
Once you go about your own business, comfortable in your own skin and knowing that it will happen but not worried, then you'll meet Mr. Right.
Good luck.
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