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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I’m a 33-year old mother of four, who is dating a 21-year old man for about two years. I have always been attracted to younger men. He is very compassionate, thoughtful, financially supportative, and he always goes the extra mile to prove that he is really into me. I guess I am in such denial. My girlfriend always says I am too desperate. Is this really being desperate, if the man comes on to me? I have always asked him, Why doesn't he find someone his own age. His answer is always the same, "They are all full of games." I guess to sum it all up, I am very much scared that eventually, he may leave for someone his own age. Do you think, a woman of my age can really live life fully with a 21 year old man? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 I think it could work, and very well. However, be aware that people change, and what he likes now that he is 21 might not be what he will like when he's 35.
Most likely, the problem will come from 1) the economic and emotional burden of acting like father for three kids, and 2) from his wish to have biological children. In plain terms, he might want to have a child of his own, but then find that four kids are just too much, and then the idea might occur to him that maybe he could leave and have a son with someone else.
I am not saying this is what will happen, and I want to emphasize that. I know the case of a man younger than myself who is happily married to a woman many years older than myself. The age gap, in their case, is something like 25 years. And, the woman has a son, ten years younger than the man I know. But they are all very happy together, and the woman seems like she could have found someone better :-).
Keep your eyes open, and be very communicative.
In your defense, I have to say that you must be a hell of woman :-). That sure counts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): the age difference is not the problem but perhaps the kids. he is like a grown up kid plus you have 4 more. will he be a "father" to your kids? is he merely infatuated with you being an older woman.
i am concerned about your friends comment though. "My girlfriend always says I am too desperate. Is this really being desperate, if the man comes on to me?" do you have the tendency to date younger men. and you saying the" man comes on to you". are you certain this is a stable realtionship not merely a sexual one.
what else are you not telling us??how does your kids feel about him.
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A
female
reader, CupidGirl826  +, writes (31 August 2009):
Hello, I'll be honest. I'm a 22 year old/Female. I'm only interested in men that are at least 28-29, only because they are at a better point in their lives where they understand what they need and want in life and in relationships.He may be at that point, but I feel it's very unlikely. The other you'd have to realize is that I'm close to his age and I know I'm young, in a lot of ways I don't know a lot about life because I haven't experienced a lot of it. I'm in classes, I work, etc. I'm mature but I lack a lot of life experiences that come with age.But if you're happy with each other, I guess that's all that matters. Just be prepared that when he reaches his late 20's, early 30's, he may feel a lot different about things versus when he was 21.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Hmmm. I can see you are in a very tight situation. Maybe you need to sit down and have a talk with him about it. If he really loves you, then he'll open up to you.
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