A
female
age
30-35,
*meraldclovers
writes:I was 17 when it happened, I was lonely and a male teacher in his late 40s (who gave out many hugs to me and other students) started touching me a little too much. I felt a little uncomfortable at first, as his hands lingered on my waist each time he hugged me, but later I let him do it.I was lonely, misunderstood, and he talked me through all my problems, perhaps that was why I found comfort in him doing that. He ended up groping me, fondling me and trying to kiss me.Now I feel horribly guilty looking back, and the feeling of being dirty cripples me. I have been crying for a long time now over it.My question is, is this his fault for doing something like this even though I consented, or is it my fault completely? Did he take advantage of me?(I have my first boyfriend now, who has never been with or even kissed a girl before me, and I am so scared...is this something that he has reason to hold against me?) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, citic101 +, writes (28 June 2009):
 You have done nothing wrong it was all your teachers fault you were a child and he was in a position over you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Why would they keep rejecting it?
~SY.
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A
female
reader, emeraldclovers +, writes (23 June 2009):
emeraldclovers is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone SO much...I had to submit this question a few times, because DearCupid kept rejecting it.
This has helped clear my conscience a lot, and I have also been reading a lot online about predators like that...and I am beginning to feel that I should not feel guilty for what I did, for it is his fault for letting it go that far.
I might PM some of you guys.
Thankyou!!
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A
female
reader, puds123  +, writes (23 June 2009):
i was in a similar situation but younger, this was not ur fault at all!! you were a child and he was the adult!!! he shouldnt have crossed those boundries he shouldnt even hugged students!!! please dont blame yourself for being young, your not supoosed to know how to deal with that type of situation because u shouldnt have been put in it!!
if i were you i would consider a causal concelling session to try and move on because he was already brought back things to your life and took a lot of time in your life why should he have anymore!!
take care but always remember you are innocent HE IS THE GUILTY ONE!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): it is most certainly not your fault! he without a shadow of a doubt took advantage of you. you were young and confused and insecure and for him to attempt such things was horribly wrong. the bottom line, you should not blame yourself and i would advise confiding in someone you feel comfortable with or speaking with a counselor. this is the type of thing that if not dealt with can and will affect you your entire life. i hope that you are able to move past this and have a happy, fulfilling life
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A
female
reader, Kalyov  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 That teacher took advantage of you. He saw you as an easy target because you were lonely and felt misunderstood. Is that teacher still teaching? You really need to tell somebody so he gets fired...he could do that to other girls. It is not right at all and very illegal...or it is in the US not sure about in France, but if it is you should probably tell the school system.
Also Im sure if your boyfriend loves you he will not hold this against you because for one it was not you fault.
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A
female
reader, icupcakes237 +, writes (23 June 2009):
Well he is is an old creepy guy and he shouldnt have tried to kiss you or anything else. But you shouldnt have let him, you could have reported him and probably saved other girls from this guilt. but dont blame it on yourself he is to blame and you should move on because you have better things to do than cry over spilled milk.... or old men, you are probably young and beautiful. so forget him and live a wonderful life and dont let little things stop you from being as wonderful as you probably are.
-Falling_for him
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (23 June 2009):
 It was entirely your teacher's fault. If he felt tempted he should've spoken to someone, and if your bf holds this against you, he's a jerk.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This topic sounds pretty trollish to be honest, and 'most' probably you are a troll.Now, considering that you 'might' be a real poster with a real problem, well, nothing big happened to be that shamed of, and yes it doesn't need questioning that he's a pervert. Total pervert. Not a pedo though since technically speaking you were not a child at 17, but he was in his late 40's. You were the age of his daughter then, and moreover, you were his student!!!The fault is 95% his, and 5% yours for being silent, but again nothing big happened to begin with, so it shouldn't matter that much to you. Or are you ashamed of the good feeling you had then, which you 'know' is dirty? Well, there was nothing dirty there, believe me, but if the phrase "you know is dirty" has alerted something painful inside of you, then we both understand what I am talking about, and there I would tell you that you have an enemy inside, and that you need to work out how to get rid of it. Fortunately it is all inside, you have control over it if you look at it that way. ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Honey I have to say that it's both of your faults. He tried and you consented. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong! he was in the wrong because what he was being was a pedophile. He probably did take advantage of you. At his age and status, he should have known better than that and i'm sure he knew better than you did. But neither of you take complete fault. Don't be so crippled over it. Everything is ok now. You have who i'm sure is a lovely boyfriend, and if he really is, then he will let your past be your past. Trust me, you don't even come anywhere close to having the most shameful past in the book. I think he will understand honey, especially with how it makes you feel. If you bragged of it to him, then that would be different. I think you should forgive yourself so that you can move on from it. You may feel better having forgiven yourself before you tell yoru bf what happened, or you may need his help in forgiving yourself. People need help sometimes. They need others to be there for them.. You can PM me or you can take it up with your bf. But either way, don't worry. You have nothing to beat yourself up over. It doens't make you a bad persoen by any means.~SY.
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