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I find older men really sexy...is this normal?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2008) 13 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 16-17, anonymous writes:

I'm 15 and I'm almost quite worried about myself. In the past few years Ive noticed I always get the hots for elder men. I dont mean old pensiors! But like men in their 30s and 40s, and I don't like anyone near my age at all. I just find older men really sexy...is this normal? My friends say I'm a wierd pervert!

The next thing..is I have extremely sexual thoughts about the men I fancy! For example, there are a few teachers at school I really fancy..and I don't just think they are gorgeous..but I love staring at their bums and stuff! There's one who teaches me science and when I look at him, any other student would just see him as a teacher, but not me, I look at him all over and think how fit he is and how I'd love to have sex with him and how good he would look naked and I just imagine it all! So there's everyone in the class looking at him taking in everything he's saying and I'm staring at him checking out his body with all these thoughts in my head. And as I said, I'm only 15! But the thoughts that come into my head are just so sexual I think Im abnormal!

I have fantasies about the teachers aswell..about what I would love to do with them and I also feel that if one of them was to suddenly make a move on me (I know that would never happen!! Im just using it as an example) then every other girl would freak out and run and everything...but I'd be all for it and go all the way and can just imagine kissing them in the classroom! I feel like I would love to have sex with them..but I'm too young to do it with anyone anyway!

I don't want anyone laughing or thinking I'm totally disgusting! I need advice! Am I abnormal?? Or some sort of pervert? Even though I really enjoy the fantasies...I am worried that its so wrong. There is also NO WAY I'd ever tell my mum or any of my mates this! Please help me!!!

Thanks!!!

View related questions: kissing, move on, older men

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008):

hey, can't believe how similar you sound to me, i know exactly how you feel, when i was in highschool and around 15 i would be thinking the exact same things, me and my friend where really close to my form tutor but i had a completely sexual attraction towards him and always found myself checkin his ass out and undressing him with my eyes lol. Not just him though other teachers too like my science and PE, i found it quite fun to be honest, i never worried about it because it wasn't like anything was going to come of it but seeing if i could catch their eye was all a bit of a game. I'm 18 now and at college, since been back to see my form tutor with my friend and the feelings are all still there, its funny i think. Oh and aswel since being at college i still find myself checking out some of my hot older teachers, but i know i have a thing for older men say between 25-50 so i don't think down on it too much and neither should you, it just sounds like you like them more mature like me, nothing wrong with that as long as you respect yourself and take good care. x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

I know what you're talking about! I have the hottest older teachers at my school! I also have a foot fetish. Like one day my teacher cam in wearing sandals and I almost had an orgasm right there! Teachers just realllllly make me horny.

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A male reader, allyourspots United States +, writes (27 January 2008):

Wow, I wished some of the YOUNGER LEGAL females that find the older man sexy would move to ND. I know there are a few here but the peer presure from their friends prevent them from exploring that option

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

Hey!

I am just the same as you in this department! I've always been attracted to men who are much much older than I am. I'm 23 now by the way. I had similar feelings for some of my teachers when I was your age, I reckon it's all part of growing up, and not everyone will have these attractions, but A LOT of people will...everyones different after all! I rarely was interested in guys my own age...and still rarely am, i'm not sure why but it's just how I am. It's nothing to be worried or ashamed about, you just have different tastes. I would agree with other posters though to wait until you are older before you act on any of your feelings. You are still so young, just have fun! X

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

Don't worry you're completely normal!

I also have feelings for older men, teachers etc. and not people my age.

Fantasies are perfectly normal too, sexual or otherwise.

Enjoy having some eye-candy! and thoughts are private so you can let anything you want happen. Indicates a good imagination ;-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

When I was your age and way younger I always liked older men. I can remember having crushes on older men ever since I was like six years old. But at that time it was never sexual in nature it was just a little crush.

The only difference was that I definitely liked guys that were my age too. In fact I loved guys my age. But I also happened to developed crushes on older men also, like friends of my dad, just older guys who were cute. And all my friends too have had crushes on older men at your age. My best friend had a huge crush on Magnum P.I. Me and several other girls have had crushes on Dr. Drew. He's OLD! Woody Harrelson. Oh my god he is HOT. SO I have always had crushes on older men. My whole life.

But I don't know what to tell you because while I definitely don't find it weird that you like older men, I do find it a little strange that you don't like kids your own age as well. That's the part that I find a little offbeat. Its almost like your interest in men is like a fetish. They must be older. That to me just doesn't sound right.

Just be careful cause older men have ALOT more experience than you and they can so easily manipulate a young naive girl. But because I do find it strange that you don't like kids your own age TOO, maybe I would talk to somebody, a professional or something to find out if this is a common thing or if there is something underlying all this that might be worth figuring out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

Hey I'm Lizzie...the girl who posted this.

Firstly I just want to say that I promise this isn't a HOAX...the feelings Im having are totally genuine and are worrying me.

I wont act on these feelings....even thought the tought of it sounds fantastic! But I know the trouble I'd get in to!

I noticed someone mentioned about having a father figure...and I feel like I dont have one! I have a dad...but I dont get on with him. He's so so childish I just keep away from him all the time which leads to arguements and he's not a dad to talk to at all...Ive never had a proper conversation with him cos he doesnt know to to! My brothers feel the same...we feel our dad isnt our dad...just someone taking his place.

But I don't see how this would attract me to older men...cos I'm talking about having fantasies about having sex with them! Not them being my dad.

Can anyone help?

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom + , writes (16 January 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntThis question seems a bit strange to me, I wouldnt be surprised if it turned out to be a hoax.

Or it could be, that maybe all I can remember, of my teachers in those days, when I were your age, was how old and crumbly they all looked.

The thought of having sex with one of them would have been gross to me.

But who says I am normal and your not. I guess it takes all sorts.

Personally, I would let it stay in your head.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

Sweetie, you are COMPLETELY NORMAL. Unless, of course, I am abnormal, too. I was attracted to older men for as long as I can remember. The boys my own age just didn't do it for me. In fact, the only reason I made it through high school was because of a 'crush' on one of my teachers.

If you really stare at the good looking teachers as you say you do, be prepared for a guidance counciler to eventually pull you aside and start probing into your family life. ("Do you have a father figure around?", etc.) Athority figures may claim it's not right to have such an attraction. But I'm here to tell you - as long as you don't act on it by making any sudden moves - there's nothing wrong with those little fantasies you have. They may let up as you grow, and they may not. Personally, I've never outgrown the older-man thing. In fact, my husband is 17 years older than me. And this is the greatest relationship I've ever been in!

Hold out a few more years before settling down with anybody. Right now, most men will look at you and (despite being a cutie) they will have to reject you because you're just too young. In a few more years that will all change, and I'm sure you'll find the man of your dreams.

Good luck!

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland + , writes (16 January 2008):

O Connor agony auntno you are not abnormal!!your a 15 year old girl who is just growing up and getting used to all those hormones raging!!just as long as you dont act on any of those fantasies, which i cant imagine you would, you will be fine!!you seem quite mature and know that you are too young to be having sex. dont worry!! every girl has these kind of thoughts, its just that not alot of them talk about it. i wouldnt worry, it will blow over

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

well... what is normal? if what you mean is is it ok to have these feelings then yeah, lots of people have them too :)

but you cant act on these feelings until you are older as it is far more acceptable to go out with men as old as your father once you yourself are an adult.

but don tdo anything with themnow or they could get done for child abuse/ rape

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A female reader, Annalisa United Kingdom + , writes (16 January 2008):

Annalisa agony auntYes, you are perfectly normal. Hormones are raging at your age and sexual thoughts are just one of the effects!

You will probably be more sexual than other girls, when you grow up, and comparing notes will make you look sex crazed compared to the average girl. But still normal!

Of course, remember that school is for learning, and teachers for teaching their subjects, so try to listen in the classroom, fantasize later!

As for getting involved with older men, it's a phase, so I wouldn't take it seriously. You will have nothing in common with a man who still listens to Status Quo and Led Zeppelin! He'll be talking mortgages when you want to talk night clubs and miniskirts!

Maybe you need to wait a couple of years before you start looking for a boyfriend, give the boys your age time to catch up with you!

Also remember that you are still a bit young for sex. Get to know your own body first! It's fun and free of danger!

Sex is best when between two people in love, believe me.

Get in touch for any more advise!

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (16 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou have a very strong imagination and maturity for your age. Keep those thoughts to yourself lest others would judge you.

I don't think you are abnormal.There could be more bizarre cases , only they don't speak it out.

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