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anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now and he never wants to spend time with me. He would rather be out in the shop working on stuff. He always has excuses on why he wont come in the house or come home and he sleeps in our bed with me 4 times a month if I am lucky. He is spending our money faster than we can make it and I am feeling so unloved. I have thought about leaving but we have 2 year old twins. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2005): Hi..at least he is at home, working on things. Maybe having twins, made him afraid to have frequent sex & possibly another set of twins. He has a problem, it sounds like he is trying to work it out himself..or escape so he is squirreling money away? Why don't you communicate, you may get the answers you are looking for.
A reader, Arawn, writes (10 February 2005): You need to seperate the money problem from the feeling unloved problem for a little while. If there is a budget problem this must be addressed rationally and systematically without any added pressure of questions about your relationship.The kids are the linchpin here. The money is for clothes for them etc. You need to sit down and work out the money issue head on. DO NOT mention your sleeping arangements. Just pretend that everything else is fine and normal untill you get this sorted.This is a priority.After, you may find that having a stable financial base, he is feeling more secure and calm and willing to talk about 'you and he'.If not you just have to give him a bit of space and let him know you are always there. For a while... If there is no improvement you will have to confront the situation but do it nicely and stress-free otherwise he may run away to his 'shop'. Maybe organise a babysitter, go out and suggest that you miss him. Be careful not to 'nag' or 'moan' be positive but not overbearing. I say not to 'nag' etc not to suggest that you do or that this is the root of your problem but just that you want to encourage him to speak. If you come out with all your problems at once he may get on the defensive and clam up.You can only reach a solution through communication. It may, or may not come up with an answer you want. Ironically, seeing as how it is your plight, it will only resolve and sort itself out for yourself if you do all you can make it easy for him.
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