A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with a very serious liver condition, which means he needed to stop drinking, stop smoking, lose about 15 lbs. and start a lengthy medication treatment for the next year. We were both in shock at the time, I think he has been in denial for awhile because he's done nothing to make the kind of changes he needs to in order to start the medication program. He says he will but the clock is ticking and he's still acting like none of this ever happened. He doesn't drink daily; we're both social drinkers but he's still drinking and smoking like it's all just a bad dream. I have stopped drinking myself and have started turning down invites from all our party-friends, hoping it would make it easier for him. But it hasn't worked so far. When we go out, he always asks me if he can have a drink. What am I suppose to say? It's not my responsiblity to make that call, he's a grown man I shouldn't have to be the gatekeeper over his decision to order a drink or not. But it's hard to sit quietly and watch him destroy his health and our future. I know he's a big boy and he has to come to terms with this, but meanwhile it's only going to get worse wth time and continued habits. This week for instance, he's out of town on business and he's spent every night out drinking with the other guys. He didn't even do that before he had this diagnosis. It drives me crazy! I've tried to talk to him but it's not a subject he likes to discuss. He knows I'm worried but it doesn't change what's going on with him. I am so scared and worried about him but I don't want to become his "mother". I just don't know what to do. He's too young to give up and not do anything about this problem, considering that it's treatable! I'm at my wits end. HELP!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): Basically you don't mess around if it's your liver. Once you go beyond a certain point, you are in liver transplant territory or death. I'm sorry but you have to take a zero tolerance attitude with this. No matter what age you are, if you have to stop drinking to save your life ultimately that's the way it is. My cousin was in this position, his liver was wrecked, but he stopped drinking and did everything he had to and now a few years later, a lot of his liver function has come back. Your husband needs his doctor to spell it out if he won't take any notice of you.
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