A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a situation with the girl I am in a relationship with. I am 40 and she is 43. Most of the time she is very sweet, has a tone about her that is just so cute to me. But other times she gets in a mood where she just demands that I do things, looks at me like I have to do what she says. She is from New Jersey and I think roles for people in a relationship are different than where I grew up in Texas. I grew up with the man being the primary decision maker and she grew up where the woman does the decision making. Big difference to me. I don't really like being told what to do or having her try to demean or intimidate me. I sometimes, well most of the time, have a difficult if not impossible time of getting an erection. On top of this we just moved to a place neither of us are comfortable in, during that time I lost my job (just regained it, btw), and we have been fighting something horrible. Then sometimes she just gets a little bossy, almost seems cold and demanding. This does not turn me on in the least, in fact turns me off, to be honest. Then when she talks to me and points out my "problem" and how that doesn't satisfy her, or that the "problem" isn't something that should have to be "worked" at, really does intimidate me and put pressure on me to "perform" up to expectations. Last night, we were going to be intimate, she showered, I showered, but when the time came, I just could not get it up. She had been in one of those bossy moods, didn't brush her hair or put on makeup after the shower, then expected me to take care of things in the bedroom. When I could not fulfill this need, she took it personally and said that I didn't find her attractive. That started a fight that lasted all night and now into the next day. She said she is going to find her own place and leave me. Nevermind the fact that we were planning on leaving this state and heading back to where I already own a home and where I really want to be. I tried to explain how I have had this issue for sometime, but she just says that it didn't seem to bother me in the beginning, 7 months ago. It did however...we always watched porn before having sex and that is what would help me to get "in the mood", so to speak. I am torn up that she feels that I don't find her unattractive and she thinks I am making all of this up. How can I get her to understand that with all of the stress and difficulties and fighting, my problem only seems to get worse?
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Have you always had trouble with getting an erection or was it after meeting her? Either way you need to see your doctor and he will help you with the best treatment.Your girlfriend isn't very understanding so is it any wonder why you dont get the urge? I guess her off hand attitude and moodiness is because of your lack of sex life, its not your fault but she's taking it personally....Saying that your probably not compatible so you have 2 choices....You either stick with her and get help from your doctor or leave her because she's not being very sympathetic towards you but still seek medical help anyway.....
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