A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, can someone please offer some good advice...My bf has not been well for the past year or so of our 4 year relationship. It has recently come to light that he sufferes from bipolar disorder. I knew he suffered depression, but never imagined it could be this. I have been through so many up's and downs with him. Such as having to talk him out of commiting suicide, trying to curb his drinking, as its extremely bad if hes had a drink. Also he smokes weed , about one or two spliff a day, although he knows i hate it and want him to quit. He himself wants to quit but is struggling to gain the will power to do so. I know that while he is drinking and smoking weed his condition will worsen over time, and i want to find a good enough way to open his eyes about what he is doing to his life. I still love and care about him after all this time, so i really want him to get straight so that the medication has a chance of working to improve his mood swings. Something needs to change as we have two children together and i hate having to be so upset when he has an episode and they have to see me so stressed. If anyone out there has any ideas on what i can do or say to make him stop doing this to himself i would be greatful. he knows he has a problem and is not in denial at all, but like i say, hes struggling to find will power.
View related questions:
smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for the advice, i must say, caring guy, i see your point! i do. although, to put minds at rest, hes never violant at all, hes never hit me, never raised his hands to me or our kids, it more of a downer issue with him, the feeling of self worthlessness. i totally agree with you about such cases as with the baby p and similar occurances, it makes me sick and i know that is not the case at all in my situation, as im quite a strong person and good judge of character and if he ever showed even an ounce of violance he'd be out my door so fast he wouldnt know whats hit him!
Like i say its all about him feeling low about himself, hence wanting to commit suicide. its not often when he says these things but when he does its very stressful and upsetting.
I have had now had words thanks to your advice, with him. and today for the first time in a long time, he has not drank yet or had a joint!
Im very proud, but lets hope this lasts now. im going to be strong and keep urging him on not to do this anymore.
he said he wants to change, so im going to help him do that. but have said on the first lapse, then im gone for good. hopefully thats enough for all this to come to an end. thanks again everyone.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2010):
You're breaking a Golden Rule. You're trying to get him to change. HE WON'T and has already proved that. You need to move on NOW before this get serious. As you'll be aware, recently in Britain there have been issues raised about the safety of children, and since the case of Baby P and others, Social Services are starting to clamp down on dangerous parenting. Your boyfriend is drinking heavily, doing drugs and has mental issues. Something could go dreadfully wrong. He only has to have a psychotic episode because of the weed, or get drunk and do something, and one of your kids could end up dead, or social services will take them away.
You need to make a brave decision here. You need to leave. Either that, or one day you might end up with nothing. And believe me when I say that this happens all the time, because it does.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Its really hard when you see someone you love have such a serious problem. I completely understand what your dealing with. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and just at about at a year and a half of us dating everything went downhill for him...mainly by influence of his friends. He drank every day (early in the day too) and smoked so much weed it was awful. he didn't care about anything else. It even came to the point where he would rather drink and party then be with me. he knew that he had a problem but it was like he didn't care enough to stop. The only thing that made him open his eyes and realize that he hated what he was doing was to break up with me and for about 3 weeks straight his life was a drunken mess. I was hurt, extremely, but I never gave up supporting him. I just kept telling him how much I cared and how important he was. How much of a better person he was when he was sober and if he ever needed someone to confide in i would always answer the phone. Eventually it got through to him and something clicked in his head. He realized that he wasn't where he wanted to be. He has now been clean for about 3 months now.
I don't have kids and I know what you are going through is most likely 10 times worse but I know that alcoholics rarely get better unless it is their own decision and they have something driving them to change. For my boyfriend it was the want of his old life with me back and knowing that I wouldn't take him back as a boyfriend unless he changed. I only hope he stays sober now.
The only advice I can give you is to give him an ultimatum. You and the kids or his drinking. Tell him to go to therapy or get out of your life altogether. That you will only keep supporting him if he gets help. Its a really tough thing to deal with but I guess just ask yourself "can you keep living this way if he never changes? Would you be more happier if he wasn't around then if he was around as a drunken mess? Is this what you want your kids to deal with as they grow up?"
I hope I at least helped slightly and I wish you the best of luck.
...............................
|
