A
female
age
30-35,
*aiii
writes:My boyfriend (19) is on a rebound, I can tell. And I (19) am his rebound. I am moving away by next year August to another state for sure, so when this guy came up to me, I accepted to date him. Things have moved FAST. 2 weeks and we are already very intimate. I haven't slept with him yet, but I was wondering if it would be better to do it now so that when we do it later, I won't feel as connected to him as I would now. I don't want to be head over heels for this guy; I want a nice relationship with that feeling of infatuation couples feel when they first start out. So I want this relationship.I am very independent, but I care for this guy already. I feel uneasy when he ignores me, but I would boost myself up and say that I also do not want to be attached thus "why would I feel this way". He repeatedly tells me that he wants this to be steady, long, committed relationship. But I can't help but believe that it's just BS. He does act like he genuinely likes me. He would show affection in front of others with me, but I have yet to see him show affection to me in front of his friends. On his last relationship, he made it very public on Facebook that he and his ex are together. But with me, he doesn't add me as "in a relationship with..." or even post cute things on my profile. He also doesn't want his ex to see me and him together since we all go to the same college. (small college) (However, I think that's starting to change a little). I even thought I was "uncool" enough to be "publicized" on facebook, but I thought that was pathetic thinking of me. I am cool :)So my question is, if I am the rebound and he's not over his ex, how could I continue being in a relationship with this person without feeling attached or love for this person? Should I sleep with him now while we are not as connected emotionally?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 November 2012):
 Sleeping with him sooner will not make you "care" less. It can have quite the opposite effect, whether you like it or not.
Slow down. GET to know him (and I don't mean text like crazy and post stuff on FB back and forth) but SPEND time together FACE to FACE - go on DATES, TALK....
If he is still pining over his ex, dump him. Because being "second" best is never nice.
A
female
reader, daiii +, writes (28 November 2012):
daiii is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. This helps a lot. And I just figured out, I was pathetic for believing his bs. If I was to experience being a rebound, he will not be the person I experience that with. No way.
Thanks again guys!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 If you KNOW that you're a rebound and you don't want that, then why are you even contemplating a 'relationship' with him? If he's hiding you, what does that tell you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): "but I was wondering if it would be better to do it now so that when we do it later, I won't feel as connected to him as I would now."
That makes zero sense OP because when he dumps you, which he will soon (that's what rebounds are) you'll be pissed gave him sex and were used like that. And the emotional connection comes with sex no matter when you do it OP. Hold off with it because you're going to get dumped.
"But I can't help but believe that it's just BS."
That's because it is OP, he means it but it's not how he feels, he's just on the rebound.
"but I have yet to see him show affection to me in front of his friends."
Because he's on the rebound and it will be over soon.
"But with me, he doesn't add me as "in a relationship with..." or even post cute things on my profile."
OP, 2 fucking weeks, come on! You're only seeing each other no matter what utter bullshit he spouts about relationships and shit.
"So my question is, if I am the rebound and he's not over his ex, how could I continue being in a relationship with this person without feeling attached or love for this person?"
You can't OP, the whole idea of seeing someone is to build those feelings, the only chance you have is to slow this waaaaaay down. Starts dating properly and not be used as his rebound OP. This is you being used OP, you may be a willing participant but it's not going to work out well for you.
"Should I sleep with him now while we are not as connected emotionally?"
No, you don't sleep with him until he's over his ex, it's that simple and you don't believe it until you have an official, public, exclusive relationship.
Seriously OP no sex. You really shouldn't even be doing this but you need to learn what a rebound actually is and how much it hurts to be used and thrown away by a person you really like who is on the rebound. So do hang around, you're going to get hurt but it'll be worth it because you'll never be foolish enough to be a person's rebound again after it.
Know why it's called rebound? Because you're the rubber that bounces him back to her.
Good luck OP, this going to suck bad, but it'll teach you a life lesson, just don't get carried away and sleep with him. Not only will it make your feelings grow it may actually be the thing that makes him realize he doesn't really like you at all you were just a comfort to him.
You've been warned.
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