A
female
age
41-50,
*anisevil
writes:Ok how to get out of a abusive relationship??? I gotta take it slow he aint gonna let me leave without a fight. And I need to learn how to pay bills myself and all that and live alone with my peaceful kitties. And I gotta wait til I get money. Hope my lawyer can settle a lawsuit Soon. But yes this will destory me. And he would rather I spend my lufe or life. in a mental ward. Or with him like we are. Do u get what im saying. I just want peace... And he hurt me many times has a excuse for all. But Yea im worn out tried not happy. It be easy if he left nicley But wont. He is good to his friends and all just not with me But thats because he thinks i did something wrong all the time!!! He says we can make it work But im scared.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 May 2013):
you dont give many details about whether you have family or friends, but if you do please get their help with this one. once you have a place to go to that is safe, you need to pick a time when he will be out for a few hours and get your stuff together and go. make sure you get the cats out, he could harm them otherwise and I would hate to think that this will happen, it is important that you go with them and leave him as soon as possible.
A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (25 May 2013):
Listen to Abella. I am told that the MOST dangerous time is when you take action to leave so do as Abella advises. Get safe, stay safe and I hope you find happiness.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 May 2013):
 I am glad that you realise how very very dangerous it is for you IF he finds out that you want to leave him. You must get out, but it must be done safely. That means it has to be done when you can get away without him being there.
There are some key documents that you will need. And must have. But there are other things like physical possessions that can weigh you down and cause him to go into a rage. As far as possible give him NO indication that you are going to leave. It is very very dangerous for you if he realizes that you are going to leave.
Currently you are the OBJECT that he abuses. His PLAYTHING that he likes to kick around the room. Like a immature child his tantrum will be huge and vindictive if he thinks you are going to be removed from his presence. After all he has spent so much time demoralizing you and abusing you. He will want to find a new victim to abuse and that will mean he'll have to make out that he's a worthwhile deserving human being.
It would be in your best interests to not try to remove all your possessions. It is almost like people in wartime who attempted to escape from turmoil. Often they looked like they were going about their normal routine. They set off with nothing, leaving homes and possessions, just to get away from future abuse.
Does he work? Or attend sport functions? Or spend time with his male friends? Those times are your window of opportunity. When he is away is the time for you to get away.
Get some support first. Explore the safe options that are best for you.
Domestic abuse 24 hours a day hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/
And you will need to start some palnning so that you can safely leave. Here is some great advice on that.
http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.cfm
http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/domestic-intimate-partner-violence.cfm
Once you have left: here are some useful books to help you go forward and cope with being alone.:
http://www.thehotline.org/2013/05/life-after-abuse-helpful-books-to-check-out/
And avoid forming a new relationship with a new man in the first 12 months. Did you know that a women just out of an abusive relationship is often still acting as if she is still abused. Potential abusers see the signs and want to date such women as subconciously they are recognizing that some other abuser has already done the ground work for them.
You need raise your confidence in yourself, until you value yourself more highly, and until you learn to assertively (not aggressively) stand up for yourself and cope alone. Only then will you be less vulnerable to another abuser.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
And I wrote the following to help women who are in your position. Do not believe his lies. He WILL keep on abusing you if you stay. And the abuse will continue to get worse. Because abusers are very inadequate nasty bullies. Only they can't see that is true. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-honeymoon-stage-in-an-abusive-relationship-and.html
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