A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this isn't a dating or love question, this is a question about how to deal with a family member who is undergoing surgery and treatment for breast cancer. I just want to make sure that I'm dealing with her and helping in the best possible way. I'll be there with her when she starts chemo; we live a plane ride away from each other, so we talk on the phone all the time.I know that I just need to let her talk when she wants to talk, to try to bring up the common, everyday things in life to keep a more 'normal' feeling. I know that she is going through so much and I want to do NOTHING that will cause her worry or any added pain. I have found the websites that offer advice to the care-givers, the so called 'co-survivors.' I'm doing my research on what chemo entails and how it will affect her. I'm doing my damnedest to do the right thing.So for those of you out there who have been in this situation, either as the patient or as the care-giver, tell me what worked, tell me what NOT to say or do, give me ANY tips that might help even the slightest bit. Every little nudge in the right direction or anecdote will help her and help me too.Thanks for reading and giving your input here; it is much appreciated. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your good advice. Keep on loving her, check. Avoid the guilt baby, excellent point, check. Visit those websites, check. Very useful, those, thank you. And I thank you for those words of support. I think it's going to be rough road, but then we're living in a time where this isn't an automatic death sentence.
I appreciate you all! Thank you!!!!
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Daniel is absolutely right. He's really smart and a true friend :)
You sound like a true friend also :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (12 November 2008):
 First of all, I commend you on your decision to be there for her and do what's best for her on a conscious manner. I guess that this decision of yours is perhaps the greatest thing you can do for her. You will be there, in health or in sickness. Having a shoulder to support her, not just to cry on, will make a great difference. I don't think I can commend you enough for this.I have never helped someone cope with breast cancer. I hope I never will, and that is not because I don't want to stand up to the example you're setting, but because I wouldn't want any woman to deal with it. My two cents can be sending you these links for you to get more information:Breast cancer:http://www.medicinenet.com/breast_cancer/article.htmBreast cancer and coping with stress:http://www.medicinenet.com/breast_cancer_and_coping_with_stress/article.htmI'm not sure if it would be a good idea to tell her that you sought advice, and that an anonymous person here told you that she might want to write to him. Maybe you can tell her that, despite the fact that we don't know anything about her, we share her pain and hope for the day you'll break the news that she's survived that dammned enemy. That we're also here to support her.Tell her that we want her no matter what. We love her because she is herself. And, also, perhaps make her feel that, even if her disease should take her life, in our eyes she will always be bigger than cancer.
...............................
A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 You seem to be looking for a mathematically RIGHT or WRONG answer. But are there any for situations like this? Do you really need the guilt baby? Will getting yourself all tense benifit your relative in any way?You're already doing the RIGHTEST thing. You're LOVING her - you're doing your damdest - but I'm afraid there's no manual for Love. Its inevitable that you'll make mistakes and unrealistic to expect not to. But keep loving her as you are - and you can't go wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): You sound like you're doing very well. I think you just need to keep her spirits up - my Nanny pulled through cancer and I believe she healed because she was determined and had a positive attitude - another friend who had cancer didn't have such hope and she is not coping brilliantly (although better than she could be.) Don't bring the subject up, act normal but make sure that she knows that you are prepared to talk about it if she wants to. Stay with her and be sunny and bubbly and hopeful and this might rub off on her. If she is low then just be there for support, keep being happy and her spirits might lift. I wish you both all the luck in the world =]
...............................
|
