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female
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anonymous
writes: hallo.I am in arelationship but frustrated.I am dating a 28 year old man whom i have always thought of marrying someday.to begin with, initially my parents and his parents fell that i and his elder brother brother could marry, when we met for a talk after being introduced by our parents, we couldnt agree an marry. A month down the line, i and his follower started dating. its now 8 months down the line and his brother isnt aware that we are dating. he told me he will hundle the brother but he has done northing.3 months ago i became pregnant and he insisted we carry an abortion because he hadnt sorted out things with his family and at the same time he said that the father wasnt into the idea not unless his elder brother is married.2 months ago he claimed that i am seeing my x and he insisted that we call it off. because i love him so much, i wasnt ready to let him go but i proposed we get married of which he agreed but later he told me that we did proposed at a wrong place..so he wish to claim it back for a moment.For the last ione week, i requested him to let his brother know what is taking place between the two of us an he said i give him time however much he is too slow with the issue.My problem is for how long will i wait. or is he not taking me for a ride.I do not want us to settle down as at now but my worry is security. the surity that i am accepted in their family and him be accepted in my family.please advice
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (17 February 2006):
 Oh dear me you really are in a pickle, you are preganant and you dont have a hope in hell of this bloke marrying you as it stands today.
He is doing all he can to controle you and the situation by delaying tacticts and by accusing you of going out again with your ex, next thing he will be claiming the baby is the ex`s and not his.
It sounds like you are in need of some real advice from a family planning clinic, ignore the name they give advice even after you are pregnant, they are not just about family planning but they do talk to you in confidence and they will go over your options with you, It really is completely confidential and they will confirm the pregnancy and give you all the support you need to make an informed choice about your baby and your own future.
Did your family or his, arrange this relationship in any way, it would sound like they are putting pressure on him to put you on hold until the eldest brother finds a wife, if this is so they you need to tell him that you are pregnant and just cannot wait for there planning anymore.
Time is of the essence.
Ask yourself these Queations:
Do you love him
Does he feel like a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Will he look after you and the baby
Will he put you above all else including his family
Will he provide for you
If any of these answers have doubts attatched then if possible walk away, as he is not in my mind committed enough to you, but bear in mind that you are carrying his baby and if you are to keep it then he needs to be a part of its life and he needs to financially support it.
You must talk to someone if not your family then an advisor at the family planning or your own GP.
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