A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi allIts almost been 2 months since me and my ex broke up. We lived around 30 mins train journey from each other, and 2 days after I last visited her, she send me a text saying that she can't take it anymore.Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride, a very wild one. The highs were brilliant and the lows were equally devastating. None of my friends approved of us being together. They all think that she was demanding, hypocritical and harsh and they keep telling me (even when we were together) that I deserved someone better. Even my parents thought I was being stupid.But I knew her as a fragile, gentle and sweet girl who got hurt too many times in the past. She had trust issues and the early part of our relationship were the hardest in terms of communication. But we broke through that. She started to open up to me, and it felt wonderful.But we fought alot. See, she was my first gf, my first love. She has this image of an ideal relationship, and at times, due to my inexperience, I would come short. That's when she would accuse me of not trying as hard and doubting my commitment to her. During these times are when I tell myself, that I really don't deserve her. She gets hurt alot and that she deserves someone who would treat her better than I did.When we broke up, I didnt even ask her to reconsider. I was convinced that it was the right decision, and I told her that when she asked me about it a few days after.Almost 2 months have passed, she's seeing someone else now, but I'm still here in this broken state. I just can't seem to get her out of my head and keep asking myself the 'what if' questions.Every single thing I do remind me of her. I can't keep doing the hobbies that I used to do because all I can think about is how she was there to talk to me about it. I can't seem to sleep without waking in the middle of the night wishing that things were different. I can actually feel as if my heart is broken and it hurts so much. Theres no one I can talk to about this because all my friends thought that 'I deserve someone better' and all of them think I should go find someone else. But I can't. Im still aching. We went out for 8 months, but I was in love with her for more than a year. I still am, and its killing me.Please tell me how to get over this. I really need help. I don't think I can go through another day of this pain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): I've been through this aswell, and I know it hurts like hell. I'm afraid the only advice I can give is that you just have to struggle through. Maybe try keeping a diary; this may sound girly, but write down all the other things you have done in the day not related to her, and when you have an especially down day, you can read back through it. Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (5 April 2008):
 It's a very real pain but it is something to grow and change through, not something to get over.
Part of the reason for the pain is because something deep inside believes that if you got over her quickly, it would not have been real love ... and that would suggest that you suffered through her drama for nothing. So, your thought processes are going to have to change ... and that is a very scary ordeal. Letting go of the way we think causes all kinds of unsettling feelings, like detachment, but it is temporary and a necessary part of the process. It's not fun but ... let me tell you ... when you are willing to do the work and start moving through to the other side, it is an amazing, life-affirming experience.
Start by putting 'addictive relationships', 'drama queens', 'co-dependent personalities', 'emotional abusers' and the like in your browser and read everything you can. Not everything will pertain to you or her. Some things will ring hollow the first time you read them but a month or two from now, after you've healed and grown some, you will read them again and have a major ping inside, a sonar wave that bounces around and gives you the 'aha!' moment that you are looking for.
Finally, part of the reason you are trapped in your emotional state is because you are so concerned about her that you are oblivious to your own needs. That is a red flag telling you that you have co-dependent traits. When one person says you deserve better, that may be ... but when all your friends and family say that she was no good for you, take heed.
Create your peace and best wishes to you.
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