A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i just recently learned my bf may be suffering depression. I asked him what's going on with our sex life and he didn't want to talk about it but eventually said he has no sex drive. I asked if it had been a problem in past relationships and he said it had been for the last few years and that it may be because of his depression. We've been dating a few months and I had thought about it that maybe he is depressed. He's a great guy and I always have fun with him. We are full of laughs and jokes and share so much in common. I don't know how to handle this "depression" though. He never spoke of it and I think it may have been to not scare me off. Anyway, the sex thing, for now I'm okay not getting it often....now that I know it's not me. But the depression, how do you date someone that is suffering from that?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Is he getting help/treatment for his depression? Is he on medication, has he seen his doctor about it, is he in therapy? If not, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him because it'll tear you down in the end and exhaust you.
If he is getting help then he needs to OPEN UP about it and talk to you. There can be no secrets about it. He needs to start sharing, or else it'll kill the relationship.
When in a relationship with someone with a mental health issue there always needs to be an open line of communication and team work. He can't fly solo on this one, not when you are in the relationship with him as well. Depress people tend to get very self centered, because of the depression. And they eat out energy of people around them, and wear others down. So unless he is getting help to keep his depression under control/ is recovering, then no, you shouldn't be with him.
And don't baby him. He's an adult, and needs to meet a certain standard, regardless of his condition. If he can not meet that standard, a very basic standard mind you, then he is unfit to be in a relationship. So don't make excuses for him. Don't let him take this out on you. You need to be very firm, and always be on top of this. It'll be demanding, and you can't really do it unless he is open and honest with you about absolutely everything regarding his depression, treatment and possible mood swings.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 March 2012):
 At your age,... I'd kiss off this guy and convince myself that there are OOOODLES of other guys who are such a handful to hang with....
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A
female
reader, Wise_little_elf  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 I was with a guy who was suffering from depression, the lack of sex drive could be from the med's, it was in my situation.. It's EXTREMELY hard to be with someone suffering from this, i am not going to sugar coat it for you. It has to be really worked on, you need to be ready for up days, down days, mood swings and you being pushed away when they are at their lowest. Me and the guy broke up , as i wasn't patient enough to deal with it, but , he has a lovely gilfriend now, they have been together for three years , and she has really helped him through, he's off a lot of the med's now and is doing better than ever. My advice to you, is to be there for him, and remember , when their havin a bad day, its not your fault, and he may want to be alone so don't push your self on him, let him invite you in. Sometimes the like to be alone a they don't want to drag others down. Try your best to cheer him up and do fun things, but also, let him no when your felling down, so he won't think he's the only one in the relationship that ever has bad days. Let him no, sex releases endorphines that make you feel really good an can cure someone who isn't in a great mood also!
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