A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After many years of being treated extremely badly by men (including the men in my family), I have finally got into a wonderful relationship with someone I care about. Problem is it's long distance as has to be for the next year or so because of work commitments. I know that we can make it work. He's one of my best friends and says he wants to marry me. But I'm having communication difficulties. He doesn't have internet in his home so there are no emails or skype conversations. He says he will sort it, but it's expensive (I can't afford to contribute), and he is spending lots of money at the moment on coming to see me every few months. He is also a lazy texter and phone caller. Because of my past I am someone who needs a lot of reassurance and I do need some kind of 'hello' on a daily basis and a good chat every few days - especially as it's long distance. We've talked about it many times and he says that it's fine - that we can talk every day. But he continues to not text me back, not call when he says he will - and there's always a reasonable excuse - I fell asleep - I left my phone someone. I'm starting to feel like I'm nagging. I want to be with him and I completely trust him. But I need more effort. Talking is not helping. Anyone have any advice on how I can improve the situation?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (2 February 2012):
You've already talked about this with him several times but it hasn't led to any change in his behavior. Unfortunately you can't change someone else, you have a much better chance of changing yourself. So I suggest that you learn to be more OK with the sporadic texts and phone calls that he can manage. This situation is only temporary.
A
female
reader, span +, writes (2 February 2012):
First of all, make him buy a dongle. They come pretty cheap, you can buy them to top up or on a contract from £5 a month... He just needs to pop it into his computer and then you can email and skype!
Have you told him about your past? If not maybe explain to him that's why you need to be reassured. If you have, why don't you try and work out a schedule? Get him to set a reminder on his phone to call you every other day at 8 or you could call him every Wednesday and Friday and you'll Skype each weekend? Make sure he knows just how important it is to you and that it's because you want to make the relationship work.
Good luck!
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