A
female
age
36-40,
*utterflykisses13
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for almost two years. Over the past year, our visits have become significantly less frequent and shorter. His work schedule if completely opposite mine. I work 9-5 Monday through Friday, and he is 2-11 Wednesday through Sunday. I am really struggling with this new arrangement. Any advice on how best to deal with this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Butterflykisses13 +, writes (15 September 2012):
Butterflykisses13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question My boyfriend and I are 4.5 hours away by car. This unfortunately does not make travel easy on weekdays for either one of us. We tired this out a month or so ago, and it was a nightmare. He threw a wrench into our plans last night; he is not granted vacation time until after January. I need to have a lengthy discussion with him. Just gathering the courage to do so.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I just finished an LDR in January… we were two hours apart by car… to me we just wanted to be together so even if he had work I might be there for when he got home.
My FIRST thought for you when I read this a few days ago (and I’m sorry for the late reply) was that’s GREAT really…. He’s my take…
IF you both saw each other on weekends when you were both free.. now you have double the time together… just like a regular couple that lives together… I mean really if you guys were in the same city and living together you would still be trying to find time with these schedules….
You work Monday through Friday.. after work Friday you drive to him…so you spend Saturday and Sunday at his place while he’s working during the day you nap, you shop, clean or whatever else it is we do when our partners are not free…. When he gets home from work you have dinner together and enjoy some down time… Sunday you head home when he gets to work so you have time to do laundry and such…. Then Sunday when he’s done with work he comes to you and spends Sunday and Monday and Tuesday with you… then he goes to work on Wednesday from your place (a much longer commute to be sure but I was known to drive 3 hours on a Monday morning)…. And then you guys are together
Friday night
Saturday night
Sunday Night
Monday night
Tuesday Night
The only nights you are apart are Wednesday and Thursday… I am telling you that’s how we would have done it… but again we were only 2 hours apart….
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I agree with Aunt Honesty. There really isn't a magical answer to this. You have to make your relationship a priority. That means taking personal time and vacation time to be together. If that isn't working and it is serious relationship, where do you see the relationship going? Is this relationship going to culminate in living together/marriage?
If you or he cannot make time for one another, it is inevitable that the relationship will die. That goes for non-LDR relationships too. I had a boyfriend who worked all the time and never had time for me. He is now history.
Relationships take time and effort...particularly LDRs. You have to be even more proactive than normal when you are long-distance. If it's not working, perhaps you need ot revisit the idea of why you are holding onto the relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 There really is no magical answer on how to deal with this situation, it is just unfortunate that both your schedules clash and you probably won't get to spend as much time with each other as you usually can. Yes this can take a huge strain on any relationship, however there are other ways of communication which you both would just need to make the most of it until you can spend quality time together. Use the webcam to keep in contact and also the phone. Send spontaneous messages to him to show him you are thinking of him, and arrange times which suit you both to have a web cam session. Make sure you both communicate through this and talk to each other honestly.
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