A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do people make up after arguments? My soon-to-be ex used to say that because I started most arguments (it is true), I should make up to him. He would refuse to give me any affection because I would not, in his words, deserve it for abusing him (starting the argument is a form of abuse). I usually say that we should both make up because he is not faultless, and he has hurted me as well, but his argument is that because I treated him "far" worse than he has treated me, I have to make up to him. Is this fair? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, golddigger99  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I always like the policy that includes both parties apologizing for what was said/done wrong. I don't know how other people do it, but my husband is so freakin stubborn. I have to forcefully cry to get him to apologize to me, but I've always been honest enough to apologize when I'm in the wrong. I just hate that he takes this as an admission of guilt. Guys are so hard to understand!!!
Unfortunately though, sometimes you just have to throw in the white flag....it's not the desirable solution, but if your relationship means more to you than the pettiness of the argument, then it's worth it!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I don't think thats fair. He's your soon to be ex. Figure out a better way to settle arguments with your new boyfriend instead of with a soon-to-be-ex.
People don't "make up" after an argument. They settle on something in the argument, and then if one has stepped over the line they apologize. Thats how you end it. If you've done wrong you apologize and that's it. If the other person is sulky they might need a day or two to get over it and to accept the apology, but then that's it. There's nothing else you should do other than not step over the line again.
It doesn't hurt less if you make up/apologize for hurting someone. The only thing that makes it better is to never do it again. Your soon to be ex sounds like he's stubborn and far more interested in being pampered and spoiled than he's interested in having a peaceful family life and being a grown-up. Making up after an argument is something BOTH parties do.
Passing blame is not making up for an argument though, just so that's said.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): First to blow up is the first to make up.
No, you don't have to, but if you were in the wrong then that is the only way to put things right.
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