A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,How do I turn down a guy who's not asking me out directly to a date? We used to be colleagues, and now I'm going to school again. The guy friended me on Facebook, we exchanged a couple of messages, and now he says that he wants to come to a class that I attend(it's a big class so it's easy to pass unnoticed even if you're not a student). I don't mind chatting to him, there was a brief flirting in the past but I'm not interested in him physically and therefore not interested in a relationship. What can I say to him to make him understand that and not come to the class (without lying that the class has been cancelled, etc.) and without offending him?Thank you!
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male
reader, Reke  +, writes (19 October 2012):
Sure, you may look weird for the next couple of minutes, but it's very important to set your boundaries early, so it's very clear, whether he has intentions or not.
Maybe someone less harsh but equally as blunt would work as well.
"I don't mean to sound crazy, and if I'm misreading something, I'm sorry. I just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for a relationship with you. I do like talking to you, but I just want to make that clear before we start hanging out" etc.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2012):
 well what you can do is tell him that while the class is there you may not have any time after to talk to him or visit with him as you have other things going on..
stop assuming he wants you.. maybe he feels the same way about you that you feel about him....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Reke! I fear though that if I say that I'm not interested in him physically (which I find a bit cruel to say) and not interested in a relationship, he will say that he never offered me a relationship, nor anything physical, in the first place. And then I'll be the weird one :-)
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A
male
reader, Reke +, writes (18 October 2012):
Tell him you don't mind chatting to him, you know there was a brief flirting in the past, but you're not interested in him physically and therefore not interested in a relationship.Guys prefer bluntness and honesty. Trying to sugarcoat things will make them worse for both of you, and he probably won't get the hint.
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