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female
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*hexmix
writes: how should i go about re learning to trust my boyfriend of 2 years after he cheated on me, he apoligised and we are back together but i still get nervous when ever he goes anywhere and just want to be able to believe him and trust him and not feel like he is always doing something behind my back now
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): Learning to rebuild trust with your bf is not easy and my heart goes out to you. Please recognize that rebuilding trust takes time. For some, it takes longer than others. It won't happen over night. You are still hurting and even though you may not forget it, but the pain will eventually go away. Probably the best way for you to trust again, lies with your bf. He has to slowly your trust back, little by little by showing you through action, that the errant behavior is gone. That means no more secrets, a lot of reassurances and huge, efforts on his part.
Did you and your bf 'really' discuss what happened and how it impacted you? If not, you should. Communication is so important.. It's okay to let him know exactly how you felt and the consequences of the his cheating. After all, it was a betrayal. As the wounded person in this relationship, realize it's okay for you to share your pain with him. But most importantly, he has to acknowledge the hurt he caused you, by this betrayal. Smetimes it's tough to put it in words. If you can't, write a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings. Just get all your feelings out. Don't blame him..avoid getting angry...just tell him how it is affecting you.
Now remember..Trust will inevitably be your decision. Time is your friend here. So in time when you have healed, you will make a decision to forgive, so you will love more openly and honestly by letting go of what happened. Just a note of caution, dear. Sometimes when a person has been hurt, they become mistrustful of all those around them. Try to be aware of your thoughts and feelings in regards to this. You need an emotional support base in family and trusted friends, so try not to push others away from you because of what your bf did to you. You need their love and emcouragement.
I hope your bf is caring enough to help you rebuild the trust. He should be. If he isn't and keeps hurting you, you may have to rethink this relationship. But always remember, just because one person (your bf) broke the trust, doesn't mean others will. Never allow this to 'control' your life. If you can't make a decision to let this go and he's doing nothing to help you, then you have nothing because TRUST is the foundation of all loving relationships. I wish you well in your healing process, dear but do what is best for YOU. Take care of yourself.
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reader, joanna44 +, writes (22 May 2006):
 this sounds alot like what happened with me and my boyfriend, i was with him for 1 n a half year and things were going great and i loved him so much and he cheated on me and he didnt do it again but i just let that take over me and ruin the relationship, i was always texting him asking what he was doing, always thought he had been meeting other girls, but at the end i soon found out he had stayed loyal 2me but it had ruin the relationship and we had split up, it had broke my heart and up to this day i wil neva 4give myself for that as iv neva met anyone i love so much.
dont make the same mistake i did, give him a chance and just trust him, put what happened at the back of your mind and make your relationship last hun!
x x x x
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reader, anglekiss99318 +, writes (22 May 2006):
I was with my fiance for 3 years, things were as perfect as a realistic relationship can be.. his mom passed away & was everything to him and he cheated on me. He was very angry and a diff person for a long time/they say that death can change a person.Anyway, i had been hurt in the past and i trusted him so much.i just wanted you to know that it's been almost a year and i still have trust issues when he goes out too, its like i want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wont do it again... but on the other side, i dont wanna be the stupid one again. All i wanna say is trust your instincts...And from experience, if your going to give him a 2nd chance.. REALLY give him one and not throw it in his face. We argued so much because i just couldnt let it go.All you can do is have faith in your love for each other because that's what kept us together through all this.. Just remember that most couples arent able to fix their relationships & if you can,...then you 2 can get through anything.
Good luck.
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