A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive just found out ive got herpes, ive been seeing a girl for about a month. we've used protection every time we've had sex how do i tell her i have it. Shes a old friend as well and i feel really bad about having it, i don't know where its came from or how to tell her. I feel like shes going to hate me, i find it more scary that i could have given it to her then me actually having it. I know ive got to tell her and im going to.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Herpes is extremely common. Many of us have it. Some of us have gotten it from loving caring partners. Many people have it and don't have a clue that they have it.
Herpes is just a truly minor disease. Yes you have recurring outbreaks, yes you can give it to your partner, but HSV-1 is even more common, and many of us have that as well and get it as kids on our mouths and give it to our partners. So what, chicken pox is of the same family.
Sure, it's incurable, but chicken pox is as well.
Does any of this matter? No, what matters is that you tell her and let her make her own choices. She is young, it may scare the bejesus out of her, but give her time and don't take it personally, if she really likes you, and you really like her, she will come back around unless she truly freaks out. Many people do freak out...hell, some people pass out when they hear this news.
Many people are ashamed of it. Should you be ashamed of having cancer? Leprosy? Cardiac Disease?
But, she needs to be told.
1. Don't tell her in a public place.
2. Don't text her or tell her on the phone.
3. Don't tell her when you are trying to get intimate, do this in a peaceful, neutral, and calm setting.
4. Give her information, and this link. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/genital-herpes/DS00179
5. Tell her you understand if she is afraid, if she is terrified, and that you will understand if she doesn't want to continue the relationship. Also let her know that you were afraid to tell her.
6. If she takes it well, laughs, tells you not to worry, and is good about it, then humor can be used. You can then tell her that you are also pregnant and you think the child is hers.
However, if you contracted any STD, herpes as well, you need to have yourself tested for Hepatitis-C, Syphilis, Gonorrhea (if the infection is recent), HIV and Chlamydia, to make sure that you are clear. So, see your doctor or an STD testing clinic.
Unless she is a virgin, she should also be tested for STD's before any unprotected sexual activity.
The number one problem that is sexually transmitted is pregnancy...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): i know exactly how you feel as i also have herpes. i found out when i was 23 that i had it and am now 30. i was with a long term boyfriend when we both found out we had it, so it wasnt such a big deal back then, however our relationship ended a few years later for several reasons, including trying to figure out who gave it to who. i still am not sure. since that relationship ended, i kind of became a recluse, for a number of reasons, but also out of fear of having to tell someone about it, and fear of losing them because of it. quite recently, there was someone i started having very strong feelings for the first time in years, and went through a bit of a personal hell trying to figure out when to, and how to tell him. so one day i texted him asking if we could meet up cause there was something i wanted to talk to him about. of course he phoned right away. as i was at work i asked him to call me later that evening. telling him was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, because i have really liked him for a year already, and knew this could be the end of everything. he seemed very understanding and didnt freak out at all and was like ok well we'll work around it no problem. however, i think how we handle what happens afterwards, is even more important. after that i didnt hear from him for a few days, i mean i know he works like 18 hr days, and is insanely busy and didnt call me everyday from before, but i completely freaked out and panicked. i started calling and texting. then he called me back and was completely normal and himself. but then again i didnt hear from him again right away and i freaked out again and started asking him over and over if he really cared for me.. or if i needed to forget him and i got really emotional and insecure because, basically, i had made myself completely vulnerable and i was scared. of course all the neediness and fear surely enough pushed him away, and now i cant even get in touch with him. basically, i think he's cut contact. and now ill never know why, if it was the way i acted after telling him, or if he just didnt have the heart to tell me to my face that he didnt want to handle the herpes. either way, though i messed up, at least i know i did the right thing as hard as it was. because the truth is, i really cared for him, and he had a right to know. so no matter what, yes. tell her. at least i now know how it all feels and what to expect for the next time. so maybe ill get it right eventually and maybe someone will still want to be with me anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 November 2011):
 Yes you have to tell her.
http://www.stdtestexpress.com/herpes/?ibp-adgroup=google_paid_research&gclid=COPtz9WytawCFYuc7QodDjjPIg
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