A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I grew up in a traditional Chinese family and have to adhere to rules my parents set. I have a 7pm curfew and when I go out with friends they are always unhappy and will scold me. I feel very oppressed because I don't even go out often but, what my parents want is for me to stay at home and do the housework. Once my friend invited me to a sleepover and my mom scolded me, despite the fact that my friend had sent me a formal invitation, and even giving her address and parents' contact details. The next day, my dad scolded me over the phone and hung up on me. Because of such strict parents, I have never participated in chalets, sleep overs, or even new year countdowns. They even said I wasn't allowed to go clubbing next year although I would be of legal age. They think that teenagers engage in sexual activities whenever they hang out at night but it just doesn't occur to them that not all teenagers do that, especially my friends. I'm already 17 and I want to be more respected. This is the 21st century already! How do I tell them that nicely without risking a scolding and cold shoulder treatment?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): I really sympathize with you because I'm also from a strict traditional Chinese family, but live in a western country. I'm married (to a caucasian) and I'm in my 30s and my parents are STILL trying to impose their beliefs and way of doing things on me.I have over the years distanced myself from them because every time I was around them we would get into huge arguments because I wasn't living the life they wanted me to. It's fine with me that they disagree with my life choices, but what I resent is their refusal to accept our difference and their continued attempts to control me by trying to make me change. My mom would say that this is "normal" in our culture. I know it's not because my friends (also from traditional Chinese families but who are themselvecs westernized) do not go through nearly the same with their parents, their parents have learned to accept their westernization because we are now adults. Thus with me it's not a cultural issue it's a personality issue.Ironically when I was your age (teenager) I went along with everything they insisted on because I wanted to be the good obedient daughter. Thus they got used to being able to control me. It wasn't until college that I started to stand up for myself and thus our relationship deteriorated because they didn't like that I was no longer obeying them. I fought more with my parents as an adult than I ever did as a teenager.I just don't see them very often anymore. If there is a family crisis of course I will be there in an instant, but otherwise regular correspondence is kept to a bare minimum. It's better to have no relationship with them, than to have a toxic one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Hm. Maybe don't tell than directly, explain how you've been missing out due to certain regulations and say how you feel. Hopefully they will come to the right conclusion.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): I'd say you can move out of you have a decent paying job. You can legally move out at 16 if you can provide for yourself.
But once you hit 18. there is precious little they can legally do to stop you doing ANYTHING or going out with ANYONE.
I realise this is a cultural thing. But we live in Australia. A Western Country with Western Laws. It's best they learn to at least respect our laws as well, if they want me to respect theirs.
Flynn 24
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