A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I joined a gay website to make new friends and it is working well. I am meeting a guy for a drink and probably a dance on Friday. I really need more of a social life.BUT BUT BUT I don't know how to tell my boyfriend!He only has female friends and doesn't like to go out a lot, and I just know he won't like me having a gay friend. I had one once before and he didn't like it. According to him he trusted me but not the other guy.Anyway I never told him I joined the gay website to make friends as I didn't even know how successful it would be. How now do I hit him with the fact that I did, and that I would like to go out socially with someone I've met on there. I am so worried he'll start thinking I've been on the site for something else.I mean it does sort of sound suss doesn't it? My intentions are totally pure though. I love my boyfriend and just want some gay friends. He has no desire for gay friends but I do. It would be nice to have friends who are more similar to oneself. I've also grown to love going out for a few drinks and to dance and would like to do it more often.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 August 2009):
I think you just need to talk about it and say that you are feeling suffocated because he doesn't trust you enough to even have friends.
He can say he trusts you all he wants but if he's not willing to let you go out then that's not true. There is no "not trusting the other guy."
You aren't 12, he's not going to lure you into the back of a van with promises of puppies.
Tell him you are lonely and bored and you want a life that includes him.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It is probably a bit tricker than that though. I know for sure my boyfriend wouldn't want to go, and probably wouldn't want me to either. It is really bad but I feel like maybe saying I am meeting someone else and then if we do strike up a friendship I can deal with it then, as who knows maybe we won't even get on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Well, he might be a bit suspicious. Look at it from his end - 'Oh i met this guy online and I'm going out to meet him just for a drink and a dance'...it does, as you've said, sound a bit suss.
Since you're planning on being faithful, you should talk this through with him, tell him why you want a social life with other men, promise your intentions are totally pure, and tell him you'd like him to come along to meet this man.
If he says no, well, he had his chance and at least you offered. And when you do go to meet the other man, phone your boyfriend a few times while you're out (his mind may be racing with visions of what you could be up to), tell him you're dying to see him and can't wait to get home, and give him a special treat when you do get home.
Best of luck xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 August 2009):
Just tell him you really miss having gay friends.
That it makes you sad that you don't have any guys you can go out with and do guy stuff.
Girl friends are great, I know, but you are a man. Men like to fart and talk about sex and do man things.
Just tell him how you feel and say that you wish you could have some mates with out upsetting him. Let him think about the idea and see if he says he would be ok with it.
And when you go and meet these new friends, take him with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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