A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm falling hard for the man in dating. He's so sweet and I can be myself around him. We laugh for hours :) We just made things official and I'm at a loss because I had been talking to other men (no sex or anything just dates etc). They are decent guys but having met my now-bf I don't think I should have them around. I tried to drop hints by being aloof and telling them I can't hang out but nothing clicks. I have never been in a situation like this. Part me thinks I should just tell them I have a boyfriend now and be blunt but part of me worries about hurting their feelings. Again, they are nice but I think they'd get the impression I led them on when that wasn't the case. I told them I was just dating to find the right guy cause being friends first was important to me. And I think I have found the right guy-so how do I nicely tell them? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): Do the decent thing and tell them..i love your company but ive got to let you go..me and boyfriend are moving onto dating exclusively...me n the boyfriend,me n the boyfriend..etc just keep repeating it until they flee.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 I still don't think you get it. You can not have ex-boyfriends hanging around, and be in a serious relationship too.
You say: "But I don't see how my bf would be okay with me hanging out with guys that are attracted to me etc."
Exactly! Get a grip on reality. Dump the ex's and concentrate on your new man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2015): Hi, I'm the original poster and I'm sorry if I wasn't too clear. I have not known these guys for too long and two of them are very attracted to me and have told me that they can't "just be friends." It's true, they'll forgot themselves and flirt or try to to be too affectionate. Again, they're decent people! But I don't see how my bf would be okay with me hanging out with guys that are attracted to me etc. The other is actually my Ex and we were together for five years before I had to leave him. We get along well and before I met my bf, I had considered a third try until I remembered that he can't change...Anyway, I thank you all for your advice and perspectives! :) I wish I had people like you as friends!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2015): You've found a great guy. How much do you care for him? Then let that be your incentive to be straight-up and serious that you no longer wish to hang-out with these other guys. You are now committed.
What kind of guys are they that they will not respect the fact you've got a boyfriend? Why are you being so demure about telling them to get lost?
Let's put this way, either you lose the excessive male companions, or you lose him. Take your pick.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2015): You should be upfront with hem. You said "Part of me worries about hurting their feelings" but do you actually think them finding out about your new boyfriend won't their feelings. Since you made it official with your new man he has all the right to be the only on in your life. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2015): If dropping hints and being aloof doesn't work then you'll have to be blunt. Feelings may get hurt but you're actually leading them on more by not being honest. Good luck and don't worry, they'll be ok ;-) enjoy the new relationship!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (8 September 2015):
Just tell them that there is someone on the scene so not this time thanks. Be honest, don't beat around the bush. Tell them you've found someone special and your likely to be seeing him for a while.
It's only hard if you make it so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2015): I think blunt is best.
I was in the same position as you with the roles reversed. A guy I really liked was corresponding with me & I thought we would get it on. He kept dropping hints that there was another girl on the scene too - but because he was so subtle & we got on so well I didn't really take the hint.
What he should have said - & what you should say is :-
"I'm dating someone else now ok?"
Nice & clear in black & white! No ifs & buts!!
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