A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I just wanted to come on here and get everything of my mind. Il try to give as many details as possibleI’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and although that might not seem like a long time to some, and like we have rushed things, it feels totally different to us. He is from another country but works and lives here in my country. When we first met we spoke a lot through messaging etc, then arranged a date and he seemed to really like me because he met up with me again a few days later, after that we would meet up every other day, it was so natural, after work we would go for a drink or just chill at one another’s house and cook dinner, watch tv etc. I used to think he only wanted to spend time with me because he didn’t know many people here but he does know quite a few ppl, it was just hard to accept someone would like me as nobody has ever really wanted to spend time with me for long periods of time before! Obviously it wasn’t long before we fell in love. Everything is so good with us and I love him more than I can describe. We pretty much live together now, in fact we are moving from an apartment to a little house so that we have some outdoor space and can get a cat! I’m in a family group chat with his family, and I’ve been in holiday with them and him with mine.. we went to Thailand and Cyprus, we have plans for later in the year for Spain and Thailand again. I booked us a weekend away next weekend for his birthday so we have lots to look forward to and I always tell myself I’m being silly but that little voice in my head takes over and I hate that little voice!It’s as if it doesn’t want me to be happy, as if I don’t deserve this happiness and it all seems to good to be true because I have never had much luck In life, all my relationships in the past have been a disaster, one of my ex’s cheated and used me, another only wanted to see me on weekends but was very set in his ways and never wanted kids or marriage or anything. And my last ex, was a narcissist, he didn’t want me and told me enough times so I cut ties... over a year later I met my current partner and my ex heard I’d finally moved on and tried to destroy us but in fact made us stronger, this ex was a very nasty person, he would say things like “you are a sad lonely pathetic btard”, I I had to go to the police numerous times, he would call me out on my anxiety daily, negative all the time, got his friends to threaten me etc. So I guess now, with my current partner I just think this is how a normal relationship should be but I’m not used to it and always expect something bad to happen. I suffer from quite bad anxiety and depression and have done for a few years, I’ve seen a few counsellors but I’m still working on myself. I seem to not have much confidence, always think he could find someone better than me. I have trust issues and I’m not really sure why. I just wish I could be Normal.My partner is on a stag weekend currently and home on Monday, and I miss him so much. He’s promised over and over he won’t cheat or hurt me as he says he loves me so much. We are getting a house together and have so much to look forward to for goodness sake so why am I so reluctant to believe that I won’t get hurt. I hate it. He understands but it’s not fair on him when all he does is treat me lovely, he has never gave me a reason to doubt him, we are together pretty much all the time unless we are at work, he’s away for work or he’s back home catching up with friends. I wish I could be like him, so trusting. But I think I’ve always had insecurities, I’ve been like this in the past and I try to remind myself my thoughts are not facts. I overthink a lot and I make scenarios up in my head and then get upset or angry about them even though I’ve just made them up on my head. I guess the reason for this post is just a bit of advice really on how to stop the overthinking that’ he’s cheating on me or getting to know someone else... I mean I know I’m being stupid, I know that. But how do I get the voice to stop. Why do I always have to worry. He’s the most amazing person, he really is. And we tell each other all the time how much we love each other and how lucky we are. Maybe I’m just really missing him, I know I need to build my confidence up but letting go of insecurities etc is so much harder than I thought.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (3 August 2020):
 I would say that if the counselling sessions are not working then perhaps medication for your anxiety would be a valid option for you?
A
male
reader, Detg  +, writes (11 June 2019):
Ive been in the same boat as you, overthinking and making up scenarios in my head about things that simply arent true. My advice would be to stop playing into those thoughts when you have them, dont talk to the voice in your head when it says something like that reply to yourself (in your head) "thats not true" "i dont believe that" because our thoughts shape how we view reality and if you think about something long enough it will manifest into your life. You dont know if your boyfriend will betray you or not but constantly talking about it will materialize those fears, I was the same way with my first gf and she didnt cheat"" but some guy kissed her and my 17 year old self lost it. Before that I was constantly asking for reassurance and she was too but in the moment it felt very much like cheating. Stop wasting so much energy on what ifs and enjoy the situation as it is, live in the moment because that is all you have and you wont be able to get this time back you have wasted talking about things that arent true. You CAN be normaL"" not like anyone is but i assume you mean without anxiety and depression and it is a constant battle to be happier but what you dont realize is that you have to work on cutting negative thoughts in the bud and not let yourself play into them, eating food that makes you feel good cutting junk food and food that has suffered to get into your mouth, drink plenty of water and when you can sit alone and just talk to yourself about how you feel and what you need, what you want out of life and that really helped me set goals about my life where I want to be in a year and how i want to feel. If you keep playing the victim of depression and anxiety you will forever be trapped in its cycle so start by breaking the cycle today and say no to those thoughts.
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