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How do I stop overthinking everything?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 June 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 December 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, *mm writes:

at the moment my ex boyfriend and i are working things out to give it another shot. we were together for about two years and then decided to go on a break and that just turned into a break up. we have been seperated for about 9 months now. i can honestly say that the first 6 month were nothing but games of back and forth talking about getting back. untill i got sick of it and cut all contact with him for a good while. i was devastated, hurt, felt betrayed because i love him like u wouldnt imagine, thats why i put up with it for so long. afer a while he realized what he lost and came back wanting to show me he had changed, and of course because i love this guy and we had a talk i told him that we were gonna take things slow to give hima chance to prove himself before getting back together. its been about two months now and hes been showing big changes, hes really putting effort and so far i like the way things are going and were both happy that so far we have been able to solve some of our issues and get past them. i dont know when ill be ready to be back into a relationship with him. but i just dont know how to stop overthinking everything he does???? i overanalyze all his moves, txt, convos. maybe im just scared of being hurt again and thats why i do it but i know this will only affect us both in the long run if i costantly do it becaus i dont fully trust him yet and i dont want to come off as needy...we both want this to work out so bad...writing on this website hoping for some answers shows how much i overthink and how much i want to stop...

View related questions: a break, my ex

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi cmm,

I am glad that you are feeling better and trying to work things out with your boyfriend. You need to understand that is not your fault for being thus way. You love him and trust him with all your heart. Whatever he did to you, the cause of your pain is that you feel betrayed by him. So, how you feel right now, being paranoid, it's normal... Yes, you are overthinking because you have been hurt before and you are afraid. It's ok, will take time and you will feel better. You need to be kind to yourself and allow to feel the pain. It's a process, don't punish yourself for being this way. Allow the pain, allow the anger, you need to let all your feelings out, so you can start re-building trust with him.

Just know that takes a strong, kind person to forgive and give him another chance. You are a generous person and never change... It's actually a quality. It's harder to forgive then hate someone forever and move on.

Anyways, keep us post and let us know how you are doing.... Have a wonderful holidays.... Enjoy the new beginnings with your boyfriend.... Stay strong.... Merry Christmas!!!!

Best wishes

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A female reader, cmm United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

cmm is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for taking the time to reply to this! Your advice is very appreciated. Things are okay with us, haven't got back yet but were close

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (14 June 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is only natural to over think, if you have been hurt by him and the trust is gone well then it can be hard to come back from that. But I understand from what you wrote that there is nothing else that you want more. Just keep taking things slowly and learn to be more casual and relaxed. At the end of the day nobody knows what the future holds so instead of worrying about getting hurt just live in the moment and enjoy every moment you have with him.

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