A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen for my best friend but she has a boy friend. She is currently in a long distance relationship with him but she tells me about her feelings more than she does with him. I love her very much, much to the point where I care about her more than myself. I don't mind her boyfriend because she loves him and makes her happy, but he often hurts her in little ways. I know her far better than he does and I know she could do better. However the real problem is me. I want to turn these feelings off somehow. Lately I've been thinking about her non stop and its eating me from the inside .One night we were drunk and I accidentally told her my feelings and we experienced an accidental physical encounter. But the next day she was fine with it. Though I'm sure she doesn't know the true extent of my feelings. As much as I love her though, the friendship we have now is special. I cherish it above my own life and I don't want my these feelings to destroy it. So the question is, is there a way for me to stop these feelings?
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best friend, drunk, long distance Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, Prince +, writes (7 October 2007):
Hmmm. So there is no way?
Well, Im not going to leave her or go distant. She needs me more than she realizes and I'll be there for her.
I really don't want her to break up with her boyfriend because I know he makes her happy.
But these feelings are eating me from the inside. I've tried to bury these feelings over and over but they keep arising.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Thank you for the suggestion. But I couldn't imagine moving onto someone else. She has become part of my daily life.
I don't really want to tell her my feelings because the risk isn't worth it. I'd rather sit and suffer than put our friendship at any risk. I know that if I did tell her, she would understand me and we would still be friends. But I would make her feel bad because she would feel sorry for me that she is with her boy friend. I don't want to burden her with any of these feelings.
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A
female
reader, just-ask-xx  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 And the answer is: no.
You can't stop loving her, I tried to do that once and it just makes you realise how much more you love them, sorry, I would tell her when you are both sober then wait for her reaction, then don't try to interfer with her relationship, wait until they break up, maybe try to see someone else while waiting and then, after a suitable period of time after they have broke up, ask her out.
Reply if you want to, love just-ask-xx
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A
female
reader, SalemsWhispers  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Well to tell you the truth I am in the same situation as you.....I currently have feeling for my guy friend.....He has a girlfriend....but she has gone away to school for a whole year in London......I care for him a lot he is in California & I am in WA....I encourage his relationship with his girlfriend & tell him to wait for her, but it hurts me......Well anyhow I find it very hard to get people out of your mind, but from my experiences I suggest doing things that keep them of your mind....Talk to friends....Go out watch movies....Don't spend so much time with her......as for me I got myself in this bind & I need to find a way out....when I am doing things I find myself not thinking about him...He doesn't know it, but he hurts me sometimes.....especially now...that I write him & he does not write me back or return my phone calls...things were great between him & I until I told him that I am Bipolar...which was nine days ago.....It hurts my heart when he ignores me....He has never ignored me B4 he used to take a minute to let me know he was busy & could not talk...Now he completely blew me off without even discussing it with me......My heart hurts......I don't believe I deserve this, but what can a girl in love do except take any meaningful step to get over him....If he does not want me in his life that is hiss loss....I know I can Be the Best friend anyone could ever have or want.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Short of having nothing to do with her any more, which i understand you would not want to do, i don't think there is anything you can do, apart from meet someone else but then would that be fair if you feel the way you do about your friend.
You could try telling her exactly how you feel, which is risky as it could back fire but at least then it's out in the open and i think that can do wonders if we are not keeping things a secret.
Take care.xx.
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