A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with my wife for almost six years in August and love her. She has a son who is now 15 and lives with his father. We have a 14 month old daughter together and she is currently 5 months pregnant with our 2nd. For Christmas we went to my parents and things were not fair gift wise for my step son and my Daughter. My parents gave way more to my daughter and my step son said something to my wife about his feelings being hurt. My wife is very upset and feels both kids should be treated equal. I don't know how to solve this conflict? She wants to send the gifts back? Help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): There is no answer to this question. It is up to the adults to rise above this and lead by example. Unfortunately there are those among us that do not rise to the challenge.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy step son has been involved with my parents for almost six years, so the relationship is not NEW! Thanks for the advice the gifts don't matter,the feelings hey created are what matter. My wife sent the presents back. Which will probably cause more conflict.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I have adoptive siblings who sometimes deal with this from relatives. In our nuclear family, we try very had to make every thing equal, but occassionally, an outside relative will treat them differently or ignore them in favor of the biological kids...it's natural reaction because they have a history with the biological kids...but I know it gets under my their skins. They are teenagers, but they are mature about this and they know why it happens.Your parents could have also just been excited about having a grand kid and felt like spoiling him. As a general rule, younger kids always get more presents. Your parents may not know the stepson as well so they got him less saying to themselves, "I don't know really know what he likes anyway" There are a lot of reasons they could have unconsciously did what they did, but I doubt it was an intentional slight.Don't give the gifts back. I think that might be over the top. But perhaps talk to your stepson about it. It might not be the gift disparity that really bothers him, but the feeling that he has no real family that he feels he permanently belongs to. In the family structure you have, these sorts of fustrations are unavoidable. My suggestion is to talk it over with him, address the real issue, and make it up to him on his birthday. Perhaps invite him to more family funtions or ask him to participate in more of the family responsibilities. There is more to being family than just receiving gifts.Good luck.
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