A
male
age
41-50,
*oongate
writes:I was wondering if a relationship can develop with someone, even if you only see them infrequently. I met an amazing girl two years ago and we became friends. But because we live in separate cities, we have only seen each other six times since we met. When we do meet, it always seems to be as a group of people, so the situation never feels right to ask her on a date. There was definite flirting from her in the beginning, but as time grew between each meeting, this started to disappear. I didn't act on the flirting, because I felt like I didn't know her well enough and was unsure if the flirting was genuine. Knowing her better now, I realise that it was genuine. So maybe I missed the opportunity to strike while the iron was hot. Especially since, when I saw her the other day (again as part of a group), she advised a girl that if a friendship doesn't turn into a relationship within three months, it'll never happen. I've heard that saying before, but seeing her just six times doesn't constitute three months of friendship. Maybe I'm wrong.Now she's leaving the country again, this time for 7 months. I should probably forget about her, but it's too difficult.I was wondering if there is a way of showing her that I cared, that wasn't cheesy or overpowered. Maybe one of you have a friend overseas and know some nice gestures that you gave or received. Maybe I'm dragging out an impossible situation that will lead nowhere. I might be advised just to forget about her. In which case, the next time I have an opportunity to see her, I'll find an excuse not to. Because every time we meet, I get torn up inside and frustrated that we lead such different lives, so far apart.Any advice would be great, thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (9 April 2007):
 Because you see her so infrequently, you need to make those times count. Especially now that she's leaving for seven months. I think it's time to level with her.
"I think we would have a great more-than-friends relationship, and would like to see where that goes. Do you have any interest?"
It's entirely possible that she doesn't want to do the long-distance thing, and that could be her excuse. But you never know -- maybe once you put the idea in her head, she might be open to it. If you don't ask, she can't say "yes" ...
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