A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello..Two weeks ago me and my now ex-boyfriend broke up after three months together, we got on really well and did so much together and he is everything I could want in a boyfriend, share same interests, same outlook on life, he cared about me a lot and was very loving and kind and we had fun together.To cut a long story short, we had a very mutual break-up, not due to the way we were together, in his own words, he enjoys being with me, really likes me, could never see himself getting mad at me, could never hate me and it has all been good.. which is exactly how I feel. I intigated us splitting up because I know he has been planning on possibly going away and I panicked and felt like I didn't want to go any further knowing he is probably going away and didn't want to get hurt, prior to this he had spent the past eight nights staying in my flat. My ex prior to him was extremely emotionally abusive towards me and getting out of that relationship was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I guess I felt like I didn't want to go through all that again.. But now things have ended up I realise that no-one could ever hurt me the way my emotionally abusive ex could and perhaps I should of lived for the moment more rather than worrying about the future. Anyways I ended up seeing my now recent ex a few days after ending it and layed all my cards on the table and he said he needed time to think and needed to get a job and some money and see how he feels then, which I totally respect. As neither of us had much money, which is another reason I didn't want to carry on, as I'm trying to get myself out of a financial hole left by the emotionally abusive ex and he is looking for a job after being away travelling and I felt like I was spending money on us I didn't have and didn't feel the point if he is going away, anyways he also said he didn't feel ready to settle down yet, he needs to be happy with him etc, which I totally understand and can deal with. The thing that is bugging me at the moment is that none of his friends seem to know we have split up and keep asking me where he is etc., and I have seen him with them a few times since we have split up, so I just don't understand why he hasn't told them. I'm trying not to read anything into it but of course it still bugs away at the corners of my mind. Just wondered if anyone had been through anything similar? I have dealt with the fact that this ended due to circumstance and nothing else and am fine for nothing else to happen, it is just hard when his friends ask after him, I don't want to be the one to tell them we've split up as it's not my place.. I just can't understand why he hasn't told them as they must have asked after me.. I've seen him quite a few times since we split up and he is mostly happy to see me but I certainly don't get any indication he wants to get back together, so why not just tell his friends we are no longer together.. Men eh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response, I guess that could be the reason. I think all his friends like and respect me, so may be it is harder due to that fact, who knows. Anyways, thanks again, I'm due to see him again soon so I might ask him why he hasn't told them and explain I find it difficult being asked where he is all the time.
The last time I properly saw him he stayed for an hour and he told me everything going on his life, he is a trustworthy and decent guy so I'm sure he will answer my question accordingly and will understand why I find it difficult to deal with it. Thanks again for your male insight, I know men don't really talk about things like us women do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): I can only speak for myself but I only tell my very close friends about breakups, I think it is just because it is not something I like to talk about with people, they are sad conversations for me that I just want to avoid.
I broke up with my girlfriend a year ago and quite a few of my friends still don't even know. This isn't because I have any repressed feelings for her but rather I just either haven't seen them properly or we haven't got on to the conversation. Maybe it is the same for your ex-boyfriend?
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