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How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 25 April 2010)
A male India age 30-35, *andwitch writes:

i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend.

i have already told my best friend that i love her.

i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if she is happy with him i am also happy. in love its not necessary that you will get your love. the most important thing for me is that she remains happy. her boy friend also knows that i love her but he trusts me completely.

the problem is he lives somewhere else and meets her in 1-2 months. but my female friend lives in the girls hostel of my college and i live in boys hostel. so i take care of my best friend but all the other people of the college think that me and my best friend are couples. she doesn't like this so she has started to ignore me and cut off from me.

i have already lost my love but i at least don't want to lose my best friend. i don't know what to do.

plz help me.

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A male reader, sandwitch India +, writes (25 April 2010):

sandwitch is verified as being by the original poster of the question

how can i let go of her??? thats what i asked last time. i thought to give 1 letter to her. in which i explained everything to her that how we became best friends in last three years and how i started to love her and how i just let her go and now that i m happy with her relationship with my friend and i think that he is the best match for her. i had also written in that letter that i just want her to become normal with me again just become my best friend as she was earlier i dnt see her that way anymore.

but, everything went wrong......after reading that 8 pages letter in which i wrote evrything, she said she can't be normal with me again. she said that i m a selfish person, who just wants friendship and doesn't see that her image is falling because of me in front of everybody. for the friendship of whom i gave evrything, i fighted with my brother, my parents, teachers and everybody. she called me selfish... when exams results were about to come, i prayed to god. whatever happens dnt let my best friend fail. instead fail me. but she failed. she was crying, i go to her and tried to calm her, she was in a room, crying alone, i got into that room i opened the door as wide as i could and left it open and then i was approx. 3 feets away from her and tried to calm her by saying words. suddenly a teacher came, she asked what's happening here? i answered nothing. and she answered mam i got failed. then the teacher goes away. she got more angry to me.. just go away and yelled at me...

she thinks that i doesn't care about her image....her dignity...she is such stupid...doesn't she know i love her....i want everything best for her....if she got hurt....i gets pain.....but she will never understand....

finally, i have left her....i dont talk to her anymore.....she doesn't talks to me....we both talk to her boyfriend....he tried several times that we both become friends again...but now, i think i also dont want her friendship....i am trying to generate as much hatred towards her as much i can...so that it would be easy for me to leave her.....thats what she want....i know she cares for me....but i don't know what she wants anymore....it hurted a lot to be with her....now i am just trying myself to believe in that i just hate her....its very hard, when she is in front of me....and we goes away like strangers....without seeing at each other anymore.....but i think it was better for me to leave her.....

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A male reader, sandwitch India +, writes (19 April 2010):

sandwitch is verified as being by the original poster of the question

[Moderator note to poster: this answer was written in textspeak and doesn't meet publishing guidelines here at DearCupid. Please resubmit using more standard English spelling and grammar. Thank you.]

hw can i let go???

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (16 April 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntYou have to focus on letting go. The more you focus on keeping her close to you, the farther she will go away. You must focus on yourself and finding new sources of happiness. Go out to places and start talking to other people. Try to meet people who share your interests. Heck, meet people online if you have to. But move on. It is the only thing you can do.

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A male reader, sandwitch India +, writes (14 April 2010):

sandwitch is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanx quirklady....4 trying 2 help me out...ur answer will help me somewhat....but can u plz help me out little more...

what should i do...if i want her 2 be with me atleasst for 2 yrs...dat is till i m in college.. to be with me, i mean dat she doesn't distant away from me???

she has made some new friends, in order 2 keep distance from me....they all are selfish...but atleast because of them she doesn't need me anymore....but i m in mess...i feel all alone...i do not wish to talk 2 somebody else....i m unable 2 laugh anymore.....somehow i want 2 make her realise my importance...earlier, i used to know everything about her, what her room-mates didn't knew, i knew....but now i dnt know a single thing about her....her bf tried 2 help me out, he knows evrythng abt what all differences have come up between me and her...so he tries 2 help me by saying smthng or other thing abt me...so she says to him that if u have 2 take his side go and start living with him.....i dnt know what to do??? she knows me and is still my best friend in her heart...she gives hint to her bf...bt she is away from me in front of evrybdy.....she almost ignores me...gives preferences 2 stupid other frnds....she has 4-5 stupid friends with her...but i dnt have anybdy else except her...and the point is without her i dnt want anybody else....i hav started hating going 2 college....because i m all alone there....i just cant make other friends without her.......what do you suggest i should do???

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (10 April 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntThere's nothing you can do to stop the gossip. People are going to talk nonetheless...at this point you have to give them less to talk about, which means not hanging out with each other as much. Date around. Hang out with some new girls. Get them talking about something else.

If you're meant to be friends, your friendship will survive this. Don't worry.

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A male reader, sandwitch India +, writes (6 April 2010):

sandwitch is verified as being by the original poster of the question

but that stage has already passed. she had already tried to distance herself from me so that i wouldn't get hurted. but somehow i got to know that she is doing all this so taht i do not get hurted in the end. so i told her that i know what the future is and i have accepted her and my friend relationship. i just want to see her happy alwayz.. what she is doing with me right now is hurting me more. so she stopped that. so she is not doing this because i love her..

she just doesn't want to listen gossip about me and her. she just hate it. and that's the problem. i just want to know what should i do? atleast till i m in college i wouldn't be able 2 stop thinking about her or keep distance from her. not only because i love her. but also she is my best friend too..i just dont want to lose my best friend. please help me with this...

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (4 April 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntTalk to her and tell her that you'd still like to hang out. However, it makes sense that she's distancing herself because you're in love with her and she loves someone else. She doesn't want to be around you and see you hurt/hurt you, and she doesn't want other people gossiping and making up stories. At this point I think you will just have to accept that you two will not be seeing each other as often. Make the times you do hang out count.

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