A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've got a slight situation. Its quite simple to sum up really... I am a gay guy in my teens at sixth form college. There is another guy who has told me he is bi but he isn't out to anyone else. There are others who suspect he is bi but I don't believe he has told anyone. I am the only out guy and it gets pretty dull as I don't get to meet other people from other schools so I've never had a proper gay relationship, other than one that I allowed to fizzle out because we would have ended up fighting for the passive side of the relationship. So back to the other closeted guy... he's quite cute and is quite friendly with me and I just really want to ask him if he would be up for an under-the-radar (for his benefit) "friends-with-benefits" relationship as I know that he doesn't fancy me and I don't fancy him. I'm not sure how to put it to him though as he may act timid and turn down my offer out of uncertainty. I know that it could work as he has told me himself that he would "have to 'wear the shoes' in a male-male relationship" if he ever had one. Also about a year ago I asked him out, out of curiosity to see if he felt anything for me and seeming as I had a slight crush on him at the time. Now I know that we are friends I want to see if he would be interested in taking it a step up. I know that we would not work out as a proper couple as he is still not comfortable with other people knowing his true sexuality and I know I would struggle to stay with a closeted guy, but also because we don't have too many common interests (e.g. he's more into rock, metal musics, etc where as I am into pop, hip-hop, etc.). Sorry for going on but yeh any help will be gratefully received :)
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 You say you know that he "doesn't fancy" you... and yet you're think about discreet FwBs?
I don't think it would really work very well. A discreet FwB relationship requires an EXTREME amount of trust - on his part - and if he doesn't fancy you to begin with it just further complicates things.
Unfortunately it sounds to me like more wishful thinking on your part - i.e. you still have a crush on him; even if only slightly. You could be setting yourself up for further disappointment.
All that being said... the only way that you're truly going to find out is to just ask him... If he wants to have some discreet fun (physically). Maybe you should do it when you're both a little intoxicated (drunk)... he might be more inclined to do it then.
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