A
female
age
36-40,
*mAStar888
writes:Okay, this is sort of a long story but to make it sort of short the important details are that I'm in my mid-20s (my ex boyfriend is 29), both our Mom's are/were suffering from advanced stage cancer but mine recently passed away, and we've been together for 3 drama-filled years. Now, as of 3 days ago I have found out that he has been cheating on me, with multiple girls, without using protection. I feel so defeated. I'll admit the fact that I may have played a part by not being as sexually available as he wanted but there's a very good medical reason for that and he said he understood. Either way, my question is this: My life has revolved around this man for the past three years, and I obviously can't go to my Mother for guidance. How do I move on from a relationship that has totally consumed me? Or if I don't move on, how do I know if this relationship is worth salvaging?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 He cheats on you.
He lies to you.
I don't think it's worth saving.
how do you move on?
you go no contact and you move forward
at first it will be unbearable. it will hurt 24/7 and you will miss him from the second you wake up till the second you fall asleep. it SUCKS.
you may obsess about him all you want in private or with friends... write long long letters you do not send... elaborate fantasies about how it could work or how you would get back at him are fine... DO NOT send them... burn them if you like... or put them away in a sealed envelope for reading at a much later date (years from now)
every day you will get stronger.
it will take a long time... (maybe months)
one day you will wake up and won't think of him till you are in the shower.
one day a few weeks later... not till you are on your way to work... or school
then one day it's not till lunch...
the day will come you will get into bed and think of him... you will realize that it's the first time ALL DAY you thought of him... that's when you are healed....
but you have to go no contact.... and not harbor hopes of fixing it... you have to work towards forgiving yourself and him...
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Make a list of things that you LIKE about you and him and your relationship..... and a second list of things that you DON'T LIKE about you and him and your relationship.
Compare those lists.... and if one overwhelms the other, then you have an "answer."
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Personally, I don't think this relationship is worth saving. The fact that he cheated on you with several girls, without using protection indicates to me that he has no concern, whatsoever, about your health and well-being. Yes, he was probably sexually-neglected, but if you have a medical condition that precludes regular sexual activity, why do you think he'll continue to be faithful in the future? And the multiple girls that he cheated on are only the ones you know about. How many others do you think there have been?
I know the pain and longing that you are going through and I do sympathize with you -- especially during this trying time in your life and his mother's life (who I am sure you bonded with one some level).
You obviously had a strong connection if the relationship has lasted 3 years. You don't state how long ago you broke up, but I suspect it is recently. Part of the healing process is establishing new routines, new habits and growing from the pain. This takes time and it doesn't go away magically.
Sure, like an addict withdrawing from a drug, you are going to recall all the positive times you had with one another. And it'll come up and surprise you at the oddest moments. However, by keeping things in perspective and reminding yourself that you deserve a faithful, loving boyfriend, will help you get over those fleeting moments of loneliness and being "single".
I would encourage you to take some time and write to yourself about your relationship. Remember the good times, but also remember all the pain and hurt he has caused you. Really open up to yourself and try to learn from the lessons that appear on the page. I think you've built your boyfriend up as this "super boyfriend" who had no faults. From your posting here, it would appear that is certainly not true.
Finally, indulge yourself in some new hobbies and / or experiences. You now have the opportunity to explore the world and try new things. Don't hold yourself back... take advantage of this moment to discover yourself, your family and your friends.
Eventually you will find someone who will want to be with you and be faithful to you through thick and thin. Please, don't cheat yourself out of that experience.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 It is not worth salvaging believe me. He never thought about you when he was having sex with these other women, he didn't care that you where going through a hard time or that you had a medical condition, in fact what he done was worse he put your health at risk by having unprotected sex with others. My suggestion would be to go and get an STI check up as soon as you can. Also he obviously didn't care about his own health or the fact that he could have got one or all of these girls pregnant. He sounds immature and careless and I think you really should not go near him again. You need to cut him out of your life completely. I am so sorry to hear about your mother, have you no female friends that you can turn to or relatives? Keep yourself busy, go out with friends, take up new hobbies, anything to take your mind off him, believe me right now you won't think it but in time it will get much easier and you will be much happier. Just stay strong and stay away from him.
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