A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What can I do to ease the transition from lover to friend? I finally broke up with my boyfriend after a year because his mental health was ruining our relationship. As a result he took an overdose of 64 paracetemol and is now in hospital. I've promised to visit him today, he knows that we're over but I'm still going to be there for him because he's still very importnant to me. I need to make sure I don't send mixed messages, what do I do to show we're now just close friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Indeed you are in a very difficult situation; you are so right, you will have to be extremely carefull not to give this guy any false hope;
I suggest you try and avoid all physical contact;
If possible try and take somebody with when you go to visit him; maybe another good friend; that will help ease the tension;
or visit him when you know there will be other visitors;try and keep a distance, don't become his emotional "crutch"; that way you are not doing yourself or him any good;
This will be difficult; specially in the begining, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind; this might be one of those situations;
this guy will need some professional help with his problems and issues;
don't let him place a burden on you; you are not responsible for him or his actions;
Be strong and good luck!
A
male
reader, theOC  +, writes (26 June 2008):
The transition is a very difficult one especially if one still clings onto the past relationship. The best method is for you to distance yourself away from him if he still clings on to you. It seems very clear that you only view him as a friend, but does he view you the same way you do? If he doesn't and you don't want to send him mixed messages, I would distance myself away from him after his ordeal at the hospital.
I don't know what else to say since I have never been in that situation and it's hard to transition from lover to friend. I think that if you just treat him as any friend that is in the hospital you'd be fine. If there are mixed messages, you can talk to him about it once he's out of the hospital. Hope all goes well and I hope he gets better!
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