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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: how do i help my bestest friend?my besest friend in the whole wide world told me something today that i did not know i was very shocked!She had this boyfriend who was not english, he was a really cool guy and they got on really well! however he went back home to tunisia about 3 months ago and tht ended everything! she was obviously devastated when he told her he was going back but we managed to get her back to her usual happy self and she even started seeing a new lad about 3 weeks ago! for the past week i have noticed that there was something wrong with herand after my constant nagging at her to fin out what was wrong she finally broke down today and told me that this time last year she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby (obviously not the lad she is dating now) but she lost the baby really early on and didnt tell anyone at all apart from him! she was totally distraught about it but has sworn me to secrecy coz she doesnt want her mum or anyone to know! but i feel this is something that she really cant keep bottled up she is totally punishing herself blaming herself and saying 'its no wonder he went back to tunisia afta i lost his baby!' how do i make her see that she is not to blame for what happened and how do i comfort her?? its causing problems between her n her nu boyfriend too coz she says she cnt tell him which i can understand as she has only known him a few weeks!! i just feel like i am useless to her coz i dnt no wot to say! but she means the world to me and i dont want to see her spiral further into depression but i dnt want to betray her trust n tell anyone else!! i forgot to mention ages on here im 21 my friend is 20 Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Sometimes you can't say anything, only thing you can do is be there for them.
She may need proffesional help to deal with this, the most important thing may be for her to see other women in the same situation so she knows she is not alone.
Encourage her to talk to someone about it, maybe from a support group.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 You'll have to let her go through these changes in the grief process. This must be fairly fresh because self blame is one of the beginning symptoms. Keep reminding her she can't be blamed for a decision someone else makes. Weather or not she lost the baby, he still made the decision to leave. He may have still made that decisions even if the pregnancy worked out. One this we do know. If he really loved her, he would have stayed with her baby or no baby, because it would be her he'd want to be with.
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