A
male
age
51-59,
*eegee123
writes:My problem is getting girls and keeping them, but i am 43 years old and was once engaged but that was nineteen years ago. my mother died in 90 and 3 months later my fiance finished with me, i went off the rails for a few years but just as things were getting better i had a car accident in 93, which meant i did not have a social life for 7 years and lost all confidence in how to behave around women, so in 2000 i took a part time job as a doorman, to help get me back in to life. I am not the type of guy to take advantage of my position and always rebuffed any advances. 4 months ago i met the girl who i thought was the one, but screwed it up because i dont know how to act in a relationship. we were together for a week and then finished because she thought i wanted different things, 7 weeks later we were back together but i screwed it up because i was to full on. i had not been in a relationship for 12 years and i did not know what to do, she knew this but it still failed, i dont know how to keep a relationship going. Can you help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 June 2009):
Well there is no "Way to act in a relationship."
If you think there is then that is where you are going on.
You are just you, she is just her. You are together because you work well and have feelings for eachother. If you "act" in a certain way then of course it's going to go tits up.
Just be yourself and be honest. Do nice things together and do nice things for her.
It's not hard.
If she thought you wanted separate things then it must mean that
a) you wanted separate things but were too desperate to cling on to her so lied
b) you were trying to act in a certain way and it back fired.
Just be honest and if it's not going to work then move on.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): I am not sure what the problem is, so it's difficult to advise properly. What are you doing to cause problems in the relationship? Are you even sure it's you causing problems. Maybe it could be the choices you have been making.
I could write a book on my poor choices!
And speaking of books...go to a bookstore or public library...there are so many books on relationships...you are sure to find some answers!
Don't give up!
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Learning how to interact with people is difficult but things must happen naturally. It sounds like there might have been mutual attraction between you and this girl but it also sounds like you were in different emotional places and had different expectations. But she is one woman, and because you haven't been with anyone for a long time, you probably invested too much in her.I think the best rule to develop relationships is to go slow. There is no need to talk of love or marriage in the first few months, you might even wait 6 months. Try making a friend before securing a lover or spouse. How would you make a friend? You would go out for the occasional coffee, meal or move. You would talk on the phone. You would share funny stories, life experiences and ideas. Then, after awhile you would feel a vulnerability to share more intimate details about yourself, your past and your fears. BUT you must be patient and be willing to lay the groundwork of a good friendship...from there see what develops and don't be too hard on yourself.
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