A
female
age
13-15,
*sian!
writes:I've been though a lot this summer with my father. He has told me that unless I am willing to be around my step mother he will not see me. And I am not allowed to be around her because she emotionally abused me, I won't get into details. What I need to know is how can I get over begging for my fathers approval and his affection. Its just causing me more pain. Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Holly7000  +, writes (17 August 2009):
Hello. Oh poor you. I think it sounds like you are caught in the middle of some problems that your parents have because they are not together. I am guessing you live with your Mum, have contact with your Dad who has a new wife or partner. It is very common for a Mum to dislike a Dad's new partner for various reasons. You say you don't want to go into details about the emotional abuse, but it would help to have a few things clearer. Do YOU feel your step-mum is not nice to you, or is someone - your Mum maybe - telling you your step-mum emotionally abuses you? If you get on with your Dad and want to be with him, I think you should be able to talk to him about this. If he wants you to see your step-mum - the woman he shares his life with, I think he wants you to feel at home and have a bit of a family life with them as they are a couple. Only you can judge whether or not you like your step-mum - no-one can tell you she is emotionally abusive. If however your step-mum has been bad to you and there is some legal or medical thing that says she has been emotionally abusive, you should say to your Dad that this is why you would prefer to spend time with him on his own. I think, if you trust your Dad (do you?) and know he wants the best for you and loves you, that he would not ask you to be around your step-mum if he didn't think she was a nice person for you to be with. I don't know the background to all this, but sometimes a Mum will put things into the head of a child about a step Mum because the Mum is scared her child will love another woman as a Mum and she will lose her child to someone else. I think you are old enough to tell all these adults what you want and what you are going to do. It is YOUR decision. You can decide to spend time with whoever you want. You can even decide who you want to live with. You must be feeling confused. Please give a few more details and maybe someone on here can help you a bit more. Hugs
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): That's really hard for you!! It's not fair of him to put you in that situation. You've done nothing wrong so you shouldn't feel bad about it! I think some people don't know how to relate to their kids. It's not your problem, it's his. He really should make time for you without his wife. My Dad was a lot like this as I was growing up and I'm only now, in my 20s, realising that it was his problem, he didn't know how to reach out to me or take action to spend time with me, so it just didn't happen. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, I'm sure he does, he just has no clue what to do about this problem. I think you could tell him how much it's hurting you, suggest meeting him somewhere every weekend for an afternoon, like a park or something, or failing that say you'd like to talk to him on the phone once a week.
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A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Oh Darlin!Do you get on with the rest of your family?That must be so painful that your dad is treating you this way.Do you have a granda,Uncle or older brother that you get on with and can talk to?I am sorry your dad is acting this way.Please dnt beg for his approval and affection.He doesnt deserve you.Your step mum has no right to emtionally abuse you.I take it your dad knows abut this.Is your mum still around or a relative who your dad would listen to.If there is could you ask them to give it one more try-explaining that you are frightened of your step mum.If this isnt possible or he wont listen to reason,im afraid you will need to give up n him.It sounds like he is trying to blackmail you into doing what he wants.It will be hard and hurtful.If you need to talk again write anytime.Kahlan.X.
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A
female
reader, DearCassy +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Well surely,he can give up at least one day a week for you and him to spend some time together without your stepmother.He should do that,and it's a shame that he's not.You're notallowed to be around her,so why is he giving you thisultimatum?I would keep trying a few more times.If he says no,then keep trying.And if he just won't give in to you soonor eventually,then you just leave him alone and let him see what he's really missing.You're only a child for a while and he's just letting the time slip away.I hope I helped.
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