A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For the past year, I have been feeling resentful towards my very young half sister. Also for the past year, I feel that I do not have a close relationship with my father.My father left my mother for my step mother 16 years ago and I would only see him twice a month.Several years ago, my step mother got pregnant. I know that this was unplanned as my father did not want any more children and later went for the snip (my mother told me that he is against this) I am resentful towards her mainly because of the fact that she will be growing up with both of her parents and I did not. I feel that I do not have a close relationship with my father or that I can confide in him so I don't think there is no way I could tell him how I have been feeling this past year. I feel angry towards her as she is spoilt, bossy and can sometimes be rude and get her own way (normal behaviour for an only child?)I have left home for uni and currently living next to my father's office, which I thought would be a great chance to see just him only. We have met up once, but not for long due to his busy work schedule.He invited me round the house for a meal recently, but my half sister told me that my step mother told her that our father used to be married to my mother but he left to marry my step mum. This upset me so much to hear those words coming from her and to make matters worse, I was left by myself all day to dwell on this.I don't know what to do as I feel that I cannot talk to him about this. I have been to a counsellor about this, but they did not give me any advice/methods to overcome this. Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Children are rascals. Be strict with her, you are her sister and are thereby an authoritative figure. Claim that authority and don't let a little 7 year old bully you around. Also remember, children aren't really good with whats "appropriate", that is a skill they learn as they get older and only if they get brought up right. So don't be so pissed at her, but more at your step mom and dad. And also remember that your sister was only saying what she had been told, and it is the truth. It doesn't have to mean she was trying to upset you. She is a child, you are the adult here. Remember that you can not compare yourself to a child.
And try to be happy for her instead. Yes you had a bad childhood, and not a good relationship with your dad, but let her have it if she can. Everyone shouldn't suffer just because you feel you did. She is innocent in all of this, and you need to redirect your anger at someone, or something, else.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2010):
I think the way to deal with this is to try and get closer to her. That probably sounds mad. But I actually think that's the way forward.
See, it occurs to me that you're both as insecure each other because of your father, and you're both resentful of each other because of him.
Your father hasn't really been around for you that much, and you've drifted apart. So naturally when you see her getting her way and his attention, you'll grow to resent her.
From her point of view, I'd say she's worried that you'll try to "steal him back". She's had him around all that time and has been spoilt. Then this big sister who she's never really known comes around more often and represents a threat. The proof is in the fact that she and her mother have clearly had a discussion about it.
It would be a great shame if you both couldn't learn to understand each other more. You're her big sister, and as she grows older she may well want you around. Life can be lonely for an only child. And you may want her around as you grow older too. So, my advice would be to see if you could just get to know her, maybe even do something with her.
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