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How do I get over my insecurity issues?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone

I need a lil help with my insecurity problem

My bf is real nice to me and at the mo i see him quite bit (we used to be long distance)

I do tend to over worry tho If he doesnt use a sweet word in a text like babes i begin to think hes going off me

If he doesnt reply to a text i begin to think hes not replying because he doesnt like me anymore This can end upleading to a panick attack for me

This morning he didnt give me a kiss when we parted for work so that has got my mind racing

My insecurity is my prob and not his I just dont know what to do

Any advice

View related questions: long distance, text

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A female reader, Roadieheretohelp United Kingdom +, writes (24 May 2009):

Hi there

Ok I think the first thing to take into consideration is the fact that you USED to be in a long distance relationship with your bf. Clearly if you were in long distance, you had to cope with not seeing eachother very often at all and the person(s) whom are in that relationship need to feel a lot of committment towards one another to be able to do that.

You have done this and now say that you see eachother quite a lot now. It's good that you were in love with eachother enough to wait until you could see eachother more often! :)

It is perfectly normal to be paranoid about doing something wrong; let's face it, it wouldn't be a very good relationship if you weren't a little worried about doing or saying something wrong, so this is actually a GOOD sign.

However, it isn't helping you for the right reasons. You should still care about whether or not you are doing or saying something wrong to your bf, but in fairness to yourself, also consider whether you are doing yourself wrong too, as well as to your bf.

When we aren't comfortable with ourselves, it shows to those atound us and can be misinterpreted - i.e those around us may think that we are uncomfortable with them. I know it may seem intimidating, but you should consider telling your bf your insecurities. Right now your head might be saying "No, he will get the wrong idea and might think I don't trust him", think of it this way... To be in a committed relationship, you have to share secrets with eachother - even if they're secrets about your insecurities towards your partner.

In the end, he will be grateful you felt you could trust him enough to tell him the way you feel. And you will do yourself a lot of good to just talk about it. Insecurities feed on fear; overcome the fear, deal with the insecurities. :)

Take care.

xXx

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A female reader, Michelle C. United States +, writes (4 November 2008):

Im not sure of it my self if I knew I would not be looking for answers my self! but what I have read these people are right!! You have to believe in your self, texting is no way to look in to a relationship issue. You said he was good to you! great!! you said you had a problem , now you have identified the problem and you have great material to work with, your on your way!!! the best of luck to you, its so misruble to have this burden. I know I carry it every day!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

Hi there, i too have been struggling with this in the past 3 months in my new relationship. I came to realise and accept that i had a problem also after my bf frequently gettin mad at my insecurities. One thing i realise is that in as much as a bf is true to his gal, his gal too has to be true to herself by gettin rid of the self valuelessness, appreciating yourself, groomin yourself well if its wat it takes etc.. another important thing is doing other things that will shift the focus of insecurity like go out shopping at the mall, hang out with your friends and just pamper yourself. also being around friends of the opposite sex would limit over expectations you have of your bf. all in all please do not worry too much.. the beauty of it is that you have realised a problem, i am working on it too and my boyfriend knows it too coz i confided in him my insecurities.. just knw also tht your bf can not love you as much as God does and probably start accepting God's love in the good things He's done in your life..

[email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

I understand how you feel - I used to be the same. I over analysed emails and texts and worried myself sick if I didn't get a response. My boyfriend just isn't great at replying to texts - men often aren't!! Nothing more do it than that. Emails and texts are so easily taken the wrong way and it's true, texts aren't the best way to communicate!! I have had an insecurity problem for years, but have now been seeing a wonderful man for two months and I've finally learned to chill out. It's been very hard, but you will be fine. I take a what will be will be attitude to life, and know that if he didnt want to be with me, he wouldnt be. Don't worry and just enjoy yourself and don't look for things that aren't there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007):

ARGHHHH!!!! Texts are the modern day curse! I hate them. Try and have a few days without texting each other, see how you feel. Words get misconstrued by text, mis interpretted etc. I hate them. They are ok just to let people quickly know how we are or if we are making a quick date with friends but i think they are a killer in relationship. Please don't worry and take everything in them to heart. We just cannot always express ourselves in these silly little messages. Put them out of your head and relax.

Take care

xx

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom + , writes (30 January 2007):

AskEve agony auntHi,

You need to believe more in yourself. Your boyfriend is with YOU because he wants to be, he has chosen YOU above everyone else! Don't let this eat away at you or you'll end up stressing him out and pushing him away. You need to trust him more. Don't feel every time he's out of your sight that he's gone off you or is seeing someone else. You need to build up your confidence and self esteem so I have given you a couple of links to do this.

http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php

http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_esteem.htm

http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm

Eve

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