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female
,
anonymous
writes: i have been with my girlfriend for over two years now, but there's always been a problem in our relationship since day one: i am comfortable with my sexuality, and she's not. all of my friends know about me and the two of us. but i was her first female relationship and she's still extremely uncomfortable with it, even after two years. none of her friends know, not even her best friend of many years, and she's still too afraid to tell them. so when she goes out with her friends, she can't/won't answer the phone if i call because she's afraid what they'll think. or if she goes out of town, like she is this weekend, she tells me she won't talk to me until she gets back. and i get upset because it hurts my feelings. or when we're back up here at school, she won't spend the night with me because she's araid it'll look weird to her roommate. so she never spends the night with me. it just makes me feel like she's ashamed of me and it really hurts. it's always put a huge damper on our relationship. especially since i'm so much more comfortable and all of my friends know. therefore, i can pick up the phone or talk to her however i want in front of them and it doesn't matter. anyway, i just don't know what to do about this. i've been patient for over two years now, and she's still not budging. should i leave this relationship, or should i keep waiting around for someone i don't know will ever change?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (6 August 2006):
 You are going to have a lot of work cut out for you if you decide to stay with her. It sounds like you grew up around a lot of open minded people, you are very lucky.
Imagine if you suddenly told your friends that you were actually straight, do you think that all of them would still remain your friends or would some of them turn their backs on you? I realize that a true friend will remain so, no matter what, but it still would cause turmoil because they would feel betrayed by your lack of trust. This is what she will be facing. Is there any way that you could include her into your circle of friends (if you haven’t already)? Maybe if she can slowly build up new friendships within a group of people that she can be honest with from the beginning it will make her feel secure enough to finally be truthful with herself and her other friends. "Baby steps".
Sadly, some people go their entire lives carrying this burden and until our society becomes 100% accepting of all, these things will continue. The only thing that will change this is education because people are always afraid of things they do not understand. I am raising my children to know that this “difference” is not a choice that people make but who they are.
I hope that this advice if not helpful will at least give you some kind of comfort.
Good luck to you, hugs :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): maybe you should move on and find someone comfortable with their sexuality.
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