A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:right, long story, i was with my boyfriend for less than a year, we clicked, got on amazingly, great sex life, the only problem was his retrograde jealousy... i had had a few serious relationships and sexual partners before him, however i was his first for everything. His jealousy did cause a lot of problems in our relationship and eventually ruined it. we broke up a year ago, but have remained friends with benefits ever since... infact we've bascically still been a couple but without the lable as it seemed to help him stop being so jealous. we've travelled together, again had our ups and downs, a big down 2 months ago were it got to the point that we both met other people (first time since we met each other) I realised almost immediately that the guy i was with wasnt for me, i missed my ex so much. My ex also admitted that the girl he was with was just a rebound, that she didnt compare to me and he soon broke up with her and me and my ex are now back together.Hes so different now (much nicer!) and things are going so well with us... just one problem - the girl he was with is so skinny and although im not big, i feel disgusted with my body when me and my guy sleep together now because all i can think is if hes wishing i was thinner or had bigger boobs like her. i used to have so much confidence with him in the bedroom, we always said how amazing it was and how we couldnt feel like this with anyone else- because its us. but now ive lost all my confidence and dont enjoy sex as much. Its not the fact that hes slept with someone else, that would have been fine if it was before he met me (as that was the case for me) its the fact that hes slept with someone since knowing me and its really affected me.can anyone help me gain my confidence back? or give me any tips on how to deal with this? thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): Since no one else has answered, I figured I'd at least try to provide some comfort because I've had somewhat the same problem, and I know how terrible it feels.My wife and I had an off and on relationship for a few years before getting married, and she was with quite a few men during the times we were apart.What you are feeling right now is no fun, but it will subside over a period of time. I find that these types feelings are tricky to deal with because the emotions are real, even though the thoughts causing the emotions are not real events. Somehow, the emotional response makes the thoughts seem real.Try to think about the situation from a purely logical standpoint. For one thing, I highly doubt your bf would choose to go back to you and flat out lie about prefering you. If he preferred the other woman, he wouldn't have gone back to you.With respect to attractiveness, body type, etc. all I can say is that for any particular man, what he finds attractive may well not be the stereotypical things men are supposed to find attractive. It's not that simple. For example, I've been very attracted to women with large breasts, but I've also been very attracted to women with smaller breasts. Conversely, there are a lot of women with large breasts and a lot of women with small breasts that I'm not especially attracted to. The same goes for weight. If you asked me to explain exactly why a certain woman attracts me, I would not be able to.At any rate, the bottom line on this situation is that guys don't drop women they think are attractive for women they don't find attractive. It just doesn't happen. I will not be able to tell you why your boyfriend finds you attractive, and he might not know himself. But, it's clear that you had been together for quite a period of time, and I'm sure he knew what your body is like. It's not like there was a big surprise of some sort when you got back together. Knowing exactly what your body is like, he wanted it. Don't let your imagination drive you crazy.Also, none of us are either attractive or unattractive based on one feature out of many. Is my ass the best of any man my wife has ever been with? Probably not. Is my nose the best nose of any man she's ever been with? Probably not. Am I the most charming man she's ever been with? Probably not. If I pick out one aspect of myself and start comparing it to her prior boyfriends, I will probably lose to at least one of them based on that single feature. If you decide to base your self confidence on how you compare to someone else, it's the choice of features and the choice of who you're comparing yourself to that determines the outcome.
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