A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. When we started hanging out last year he was living at home with his kids and wife whom he immediately left to be with me. I never asked him to, in fact I urged him not to. But he was convinced he couldn't stay with her and wanted to be with me so I just gave in. I do love him dearly but I have always felt extremely guilty for it and I felt horrible for his wife who didn't see this coming. Well, she of course discovered he left for another woman and they filed for divorce. At first it was really hard for her to be civil- which I do not blame her for being angry but things finally settled down and thier kids were adjusting to life with us every other weekend. I didn't try to fool myself into thinking they would welcome me into there life but things weren;t as bad as I expected. So I thought things were as good as it could possobly be between everyone. His wife and I never interacted and that was fine but I somehow convinced myself she had moved on and maybe someday we could "AT LEAST BE CIVIL". But the other day I had broke down in my boyfriends truck along side the highway and she stopped- at the moment he was in the hospital and we were both on our way back from visiting him. Well as far as it looked to me she just stopped to fight. She ordered me to open the door and when I didn't she reached through the window and unlocked it- then took the keys from the ignition- thw whole time yelling at me telling me it was all my fault he was sick- took the registration from the glove box- chucked the keys back at me- called me more name- and of course by then I got shitty back. But I still felt like I owed this woman a lot- we hurt her- not the other way around. I at least owed her her say. but she was trying to lay everything wrong with him on me and was confrontational and hostile so I let go of my apologatic attitude and took on a defensive bitchiness. Sorry. But as the argument got heated I realized she had her youngest daughter in the car. She's got no problem dragging her kids in the middle of her fights. Well, her kid only heard the end of the "discussion" and was told by her mom that she just stopped "to see if I needed help" which is a lie. so now his kids think I started shit with thier mom and now aren't going to hide thier "hate for me" any more. What can I do now? I don't want this to be a " me against them" thing. I'm not going to try to convince them their mom was looking for a fight or for him to be angry when his kids are rude to me next time they come. Of course they hate me now more than ever- the last thing they saw me do was call there mom a bitch- but they didn't hear her going at it 5 minutes before that. How the heck do I fix this. I don't mind that she wanted to have her say- she's been waiting all year to give me a piece of her mind but now the kids are involved and its turned into a huge ordeal. What's going to happen now? He's still in the hospital and doesn't know whats been going on. His daughter is sending me rude messages over the internet and my stupid best friend had hacked my account talking shit back to a 15 year old! it's just got too out of hand and I just want it to be over with. Ok there. Sorry for my rambling thanks for any answers you have.
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best friend, divorce, his ex, living at home, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Zanie +, writes (27 May 2010):
 I would just like to say that the last two responses were JUDGEMENTS, not ADVICE. Please everyone, realize that unless you are the divine creator or you are perfect, that you have no right to pass judgement on others. We are all human and we make mistakes.
A
female
reader, Zanie +, writes (25 May 2010):
Your best friend hacked the account? Is that true? Or did you just have a little lack of better judgement and respond?
This really cant be helped by you though. This has to be the father's hand. These are his children.
Depending on his health, he needs to know what has happened. Then, you and he need to discuss the situation and he needs to discuss it with his ex wife. Her behavior was inappropriate, confronting you in front of their children. Kids should not be dragged into this.
Then you and him need to sit down with his children and explain what took place. Even what your best friend did. Explain to them that thier mom got upset with you in the truck and you got upset back and it wasn't right for either of you to act that way and apologize. You need to express to them, that this is a difficult situation. You personally need to tell them that you understand that this is their mom and that they may feel angry at you...and that's ok. However, they need to respect you. Tell them, the disagreements are between their parents and you and they do not need to get into them whatsoever, nor will you tolerate it.
Most importantly, the man you are with need to clarify to ex wife that this isnt acceptible behavior. She can be pissed as hell but she doesnt need to act that way in front of the kids. The kids need to be important in this whole chaos.
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