A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I’m really shy when it comes to sex, I usually have to know someone for quite a while before I’m comfortable sleeping with them. Only…I haven’t been with anyone in almost 5years now! – I haven’t so much as kissed a girl!I’m a fairly attractive and likable guy, I talk to girls all the time, have many girls as friends but as soon as I sense that spark of sexual energy I find myself running away, and I don’t want to. I want to be brave and just go with it. But I’m so terrified now – I was shy anyway but now it’s been so long too!Somehow my friends haven’t caught on to the fact that I’ll chat to a delightful girl all night long and then say, “It’s been lovely speaking to you, good night!” without getting a number!I always go home alone and just once id like the courage to go with the flow – whatever that may be, but I always bail before going any further than conversation. I’m so confident in all other things, I’m loud and I joke and act so I’ sure girls probably assume I’ just as confident in bed – when I am an entirely different person! I’m sure it’s their expectations that scare me the most. Now’s probably a good time to mention I don’t have any reason to be shy, everything is good down there, it’s just me, my feelings.How do I escape this silly routine and take the plunge? What should I say to the girl? It feels almost wrong, like I shouldn’t be having sex!? Has anyone else felt like this and what did you do?(ps. There is nothing in my history that gives reason for the way I feel – I’ve always had pleasant sexual experiences. Even though I was always nervous, I did enjoy it. So why do I feel this way? – am I a reincarnated monk!? Lol!)
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male
reader, Jes  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Ok. Don;t worry, you are not alone with the problem. i'm sure hundreds of people suffers on the same thing as well. Including me. I'm also experiencing the same thing, though, i've never been on the situation like you have. i haven't engaged myself on a sexual situation as you are even though i have a girlfriend right now. That made me like this. But don't worry, everything will fall on its proper place at the right time. Just be patient and hold still with what you believe in and what you have to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, your advise was really thought out and kind. have to admit you are pretty spot on with everything - purhasp these "masks" dont work so well! you havent even met me!!!
im not a student, i live in cyprus now - i travel a lot, but everything you said very very ture and it reallyhelps toget someoutside perpective - not many people provide responses as helpful asyouhave, thank you.
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A
male
reader, Jes +, writes (6 July 2009):
I really want to say that you are a reincarnated monk, but too bad for me, you already thought about it. LOL!We do have different personas that we present to other people. We have different modes of gaining attention with quite a need for everyone. The sense that you are someone likable by everybody is your mask to present that draws you attention and that keeps you secure of yourself.Having a romantic encounter is quite different when you're talking to people casually (unless you always have a boner, just joking). Romantic or even sexual encounter requires your masculinity not your basic personality to make everyone happy. Being shy is simply being uncomfortable to the situation you are in. if fear comes along with it, it comes from being uncontrollable by it. being in a sexual position that you have the expectations that you must perform good because outside the bedroom, you are great, is what I think makes you uncomfortable with the situation of having sex. What scares you the most is after not meeting the expectations of your mate, the sad news will pop out the next morning. Since you are not secured with her. And that news will ruin you most popular mask that draws your security blanket. That's what I think scares you. Just a tip. I mean, you don't have to have casual sex to every girl in the campus (assuming you are just a student), or you simply don't need to meet the expectations that since your mouth is good on talking, you're good in bed as well. Just simply find a girl that you are comfortable with. Try to have an "intimate" relationship with someone. In that way, you will be secured not only with your sexual performance but also with your overall "outside" mask. Beside, I know, once you really love her, shyness will simply disappear in bed.Hope this helps ",)
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