A
female
age
36-40,
*ommyoftwo91583
writes:Well in my past question i asked if you can gain trust from someone that has never trusted you to begin with...we split up. Now i have two kids to take care of...no vehicle...no job...and my phone will be out of minutes tomorrow. I have no idea what to do with myself and im trying to hold it together for my kids but my 2 year old can tell something is wrong. How do i do this by myself and maintain my sanity?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): 1 was where you are now several years ago. And it does get easier.
Make the right choices about what you spend your time on and small steps every day. I wish you all the luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 YouWish already said perfectly and precisely, so I'll just reiterate her advice :
you maintain you sanity by prioritizing and taking care of first things first.
In other words, this may sound harsh advice but it does not make it less sound, I think - forget about the trust issues and the broken hearts and the hows and whys, you can't afford the luxury to be romantic right now.
What you've got to do, by hook or by crook, is :
- make sure that your children are adequately provided for
- make sure that YOU do your best to provide for yourself adequately.
Step one means getting child support , there are courts and laws for that if needs be .
Step two is applying for all the benefits / facilitations / helps you are entitled to in your state, AND looking for a job. Which, as a single mom, it's not easy, I realize it , because job hunting may be so time and energy consuming that becomes .. like a full time job in itself. Do not hesitate asking for help, it's an emergency and it's temporary. Ask your family, your friends, your neighbours, your church, to watch your chidren while you go job hunting, you'll pay them back or return the favour as soon as you 'll be able to do it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 May 2014):
 You've gone through the emotional stuff, now it's time to take care of the practical stuff:
1. If he is the father of your children, you need child support from him. File for it in the courts, and you can do it for free by demonstrating that you have no income. This is called "In Forma Pauperis" and means you can file what you need to file at no cost to you. I don't know the state you live in, so you'll have to look it up.
2. Apply for welfare benefits as provided by your state. Use all of the assistance tools at your disposal, charity, WIC, food stamps, section 8 housing, everything.
http://www.welfareinfo.org/apply/
Different states take care of things differently. Do your research now and that's it.
One thing to understand - when you go after the kids' father, this is no longer the time to rail at him about what he did to you. This is the time to fight for your kids' survival as well as your own. He'll try to say or do anything to get you to let him off, from threats to pleadings. Don't fall for it. Talk through the courts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): Ask your family or mum if you have one to take care of the children at least temporarily while you get a job and be able to support yourself. Ask for help from single mothers societies. I am sure there are many women in your situations, see how they are coping.
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